The Craziest Thing All Week...

 

A lot of things happened this weekend that could possibly rank in the “wow that was some crazy shit” pile.

To list off a few things in no particular order - Felix Baumgarten jumped from space and proceeded to break the sound barrier THEN proceeded to land and stay alive for it. The space shuttle Endeavor rolled through LA to its new resting place at the California Science center. The Yankees lost Derek Jeter and Aaron Rodgers almost brought back his title belt move while beating up the Texans.

However, there’s something bigger here. Something so confusing that it trumps everything that happened this weekend: Alfonso Ribeiro aka Carlton Banks from The Fresh Prince got married this weekend. Congrats dude! But the marriage part isn’t what makes this crazy. I read in an article that Will Smith, Joey Fatone, and David Justice were groomsmen.

Ribeiro. Smith. Fatone. Justice.

If there was ever a moment in history that would confuse me it would be the combo of The Fresh Prince, Fatone, and Justice all doing something together. But I get it; these are Ribeiro’s friends, and this shouldn’t weird me out as much as it does, however I just can’t shake it.

I want to see a picture of all these guys together. It seems like the most random pairing of all time. If anyone has this picture or tracks one down please send it to me asap.

Sorry Felix “first man ever to break the sound barrier” Baumgarten, Carlton Banks and his amazing friendship tree one upped you.

Seriously, someone send me a picture…

The Weekend...

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I don’t care who knows it: I want to see Total Recall. I’m going to see Total Recall. I’m going to see the reboot that (for some reason) people are hesitant about. The funny thing about this reboot is that I don’t think people are upset that the studio has rebooted a classic Arnold film, but rather people don’t trust Colin Farrell or Jessica Biel to do anything. Are people justified? Sort of. Completely justified? Not at all.

You know how I know this movie is going to be good and not a total piece of shit? One name – Walter White… wait, I mean Bryan Cranston. How can a movie with Cranston really be that bad, doesn’t he only do solid things?

…Oh wait… he was in Rock of Ages, John Carter, and Red Tails… Oh…

But still, it’s Cranston! And yes, I just sided with a movie because Cranston is the X factor.

If you’re going into this weekend and you’re in the movie mood you have the following options:

The Dark Knight Rises – I’ve had so many problems with this film that I just don’t want to talk about it but you should still go see it.

Celesete and Jesse Forever – Not sure if this is a full release but it’s a Sundance film with Andy Samberg and Rachida Jones. I hear it’s pretty good.

Ruby Sparks: I read this script and it’s pretty good. Just watch the trailer to get a vibe of it: HERE

To Rome with Love: Woody Allen pumps out more films than any human in the history of life.

If you’re in the TV mood:

Breaking Bad
Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Episodes

I hate that I watch the Kardashians.

And oh… The Olympics!

If you’re not in an entertainment mood and want to do real things like go outside and get some fresh air, I say go for it. Enjoy it. But while you’re doing it, just remember that Colin Farrell and Bryan Cranston are in a theater near you…

The Weekend: Movies

 

I honestly haven’t been to the theater for so long that I’m actually too embarrassed to admit it. The main reason is because I was spoiled with screeners this past Oscar season so I’ve been staying in… at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’m worried that I’m reaching a point that I never have wanted to get to - A point where going to a theater is actually more of a hassle than enjoyment. Fuck. I’m kind of not accepting that that may be the case.

It’s tough to go to movies that aren’t great and sit in a theater with people texting, people talking, occasional bad sound, over priced tickets, over priced parking, and people coughing. Am I becoming neurotic? I really hope not. I don’t want to lose my love for going to the theater more than I already have. This weekend I break my slump that I’ve been in these past few months… I. Am. Going. To. See. A. Movie.

This is what I’m (we’re) working with:

NEW RELEASES:

Project X: The “found footage” film that’s being advertised as Superbad on coke. It’s from producer Todd Phillips, who did The Hangover, and he has a certain knack for these kind of movies. This film kind of seems like an obvious choice – I’m interested. However it’s kind of getting horrible reviews, as of Friday morning it’s got a 26% rating on rotten tomatoes. Not sure if it’s going to toss me from seeing it, I sure as shit don’t think it’s going to stop the teens, early 20 year old’s, and people who are high from seeing it.

Speaking of people getting high…

The Lorax: The animated Dr. Seuss film that’s being present in 3D, IMAX 3D, 3DDDD, and every other kind of thing that isn’t 2D. Truthfully I was interested in the Lorax, it seems right up my alley in terms of feel good animation films, until my friend told me it was horrible. I had to confirm, so I went to trusty rotten tomatoes to find out what the deal is – 65% rating. Eh.

It’s funny how movie reviews work. I feel like when you really like a movie then reviews don’t matter and you tell yourself you’re smarter than people who gave it bad reviews. When you hate a movie then reviews totally matter and everyone is on tune with how you feel, and when you barely want to see anything, they also matter because if it’s a bad review you won’t go.

If you’re like me, and for some odd are reason turning into a neurotic old man who doesn’t want to sit in movies because you feel like your time is so precious that the movie better be amazing, here are other options that aren’t new releases:

Wanderlust: Movie bombed but I heard it’s good. It’s with Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd.

Safe House: Denzel and Reynolds.

The Vow: The reality is, if you haven’t already seen this you aren’t going to it this weekend. The Vow has been out for weeks now.

The Grey: Why the shit haven’t I seen this movie!? I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. One of my friends seemed as though he had to smoke a cigarette after watching it.

Tyler Perry presents a Tyler Perry movie starring Tyler Perry not as Madea with Terry Perry called a presentation by Tyler Perry featuring Tyler Perry in Good Deeds starring Tyler Perry: The age old debate that TP is the worst thing to ever happen to film or the best thing to ever happen to film rages on. He makes films for a specific culture and presses on stereotypes like he’s a racist white man… but he’s not. His movies generate huge income and he has a huge following. This is another movie that you’ve either already seen and are going back or you’re not seeing it.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Errr.. Nick Cage.

Act of Valor: This film killed it last week. As I’m sure you already know from the onslaught of advertisements, the film features active Navy Seals. I hear it’s kind of cool.

Journey 2: The Rock!: Okay so that’s not the actual title but Journey 2 has lost it’s audience to The Lorax.

This Means War: Chris Pine, Reece Witherspoon, and Tom Hardy. This movie flopped, what happened here? Pine is a movie star, Witherspoon was, and Hardy will be if he isn’t already.

AND:

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie: This currently has a limited release; I saw it at Sundance and its nuts. Here’s the TRAILER. I encourage myself and anyone else to see a movie this weekend. Honestly I kind of have my sights set on Project X so I hope to have something positive to report. I’m kind of curious how they’ll pull off the found footage aspect in this. Enjoy the movie watching weekend, and remember… don’t F-ing text in a dark movie!

Weekend Movies!

In honor of George Lucas bringing back the same product for the 20th time around but just making a few tweaks I think it’s only right we discuss the movies coming out this weekend. Truthfully I would talk movies anyway but this was a good segway, and before we jump into anything else we need to discuss The Phantom Menace, which is coming out 13 years later after it’s original release.

Lets take a few steps back here because something has happened to me, as I’ve grown older…

I once was an avid Star Wars defender. Truth is I saw Star Wars late in life (my teens) but once I got it, I was in. I went with my friend Jon to the midnight showing of Phantom Menace in Wisconsin and tried to find the good in it – even Jar Jar Binks. I saw Episode 2 and defended CGI Yoda and also the casting of Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker. I then went and waited in line for Episode 3 and found myself loving it the 3 times I saw it in the theater.

I was one of the guys, who overly defended Lucas for anything he was doing “wrong” like when he replaced the original Anakin in Jedi, added new scenes to the original trilogy, changed Jar Jar’s voice, and planned to re-release in 3-D (to name a few). I was on board with his excuse that what he was currently releasing was how he envisioned it all along but technology hadn’t caught up yet.

Then… Something hit me. I realized I’m under the force of Lucas and I’ve been defending things I don’t believe in. It makes no sense as to why I’d defend George Lucas. I like Star Wars for what it was and what it did. I came to terms with the fact that Lucas has been adding to something that shouldn’t change. One argument, which is totally valid, is that it’s his product and he can do what he wants. But the other argument is, which is totally valid, is that he’s fucking insecure with what he made so he keeps changing it, and can’t make anything new (and good).

Changing things to 3-D is one thing, but updating a classic is another. I’m not sure Lucas understands that people don’t want new added into the original Star Wars. It took me long enough to learn the name of the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine, I don’t want to be hit with more fictitious names. If you really think about what he’s doing it’s pretty unbelievable… he’s blatantly altering it!

Worst part is… I’m going to see it again! I’m angry with myself and I’m angry I’m under the force of George Lucas and his Santa beard. I digress…

The Phantom Menace is back. It’s currently tracking to make 33 million this weekend. That’s pretty big. I wonder why Lucas didn’t start with the originals. Lucas said he’s releasing new 3-D Star Wars every 2 years. At the current rate we’re not going to get to Jedi until 2022. This just in George Lucas: in 2022 we’re going to have holograms and technology better than 3-D. But you already know that. What are you going to do to Star Wars!?

Other Movies:

I should note that this is Valentines Day weekend and the follow movies are the perfect consumer slate before the “Holiday.”

The Vow: Dear John meets The Notebook. Channing Tatum meets Rachel McAdams. What could go wrong? Nothing. Here are all possible scenarios of why you’d see this movie:

You’re a single female and you love Channing Tatum.

You’re in a relationship and you love Channing Tatum.

You’re in a relationship and you’re desperate to have sex with your girlfriend.

You’re in a relationship and the female runs the show.

You’re in high school.

You read the book.

That pretty much covers it, right?

Safe House: Denzel and Ryan Reynolds. It’s amazing how I currently feel about Denzel, he’s still the man but isn’t the draw he once was. It seems like his sweet spot is to play the Training Day/Man On Fire Guy. It’s the “Don’t fuck with me” Denzel. All in all, this movie is intriguing and in a sense is the anti-Vow. Is it the anti-Vow? I feel like this movie is perfect because women love Denzel and Ryan Reynolds.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island: I love The Rock. I really do. I wish this foray in kids movies worked out for him but they just haven’t hit.  This is the film you take your kids too when you can’t take them to The Vow or Safe House and Phantom Menace is sold out.

Movies that aren’t geared toward Valentines Day and people won’t see… but maybe should:

Rampart: Don’t know much about this movie but I hear it’s a thriller and Woody Harrelson is great in it. I’ll probably see this at some point… maybe even in the theater.

In Darkness: Another movie I don’t know much about, but it sounds somewhat interesting… maybe a bit slow. The Plot: IN DARKNESS tells the true story of Leopold Soha who risks his own life to save a dozen people from certain death. Initially only interested in his own good, the thief and burglar hides Jewish refugees for 14 months in the sewers of the Nazi-occupied town of Lvov (former Poland).

The reviews aren’t too bad and I heard the director, Agniezka Holland, is very good.

I want to give a quick “not yet a movie but almost there” shout out to two trailers that were released this week:

The Amazing Spider Man

And

The Bourne Legacy

If you haven’t checked them out I suggest you do. They’re both reboots in their own right but they both look great.

Whatever you see this weekend (if anything) just know that I may be struggling through Phantom Menace at one point or another. Fucking, George Lucas.

 

 

Justin Timberlake

Today may be Harry Potter day but I thought I’d take a minute and discuss another former boy bander - Justin Timberlake (Yes, I know Daniel Radcliffe wasn’t in a band but he was on Broadway, so that may count as something) and the fact that he may be moving into leading man territory next week when he opens Friends With Benefits.

Next week marks a significant time in Timberlake’s acting career, he’s opening a movie as the lead male actor. “Who cares?” you may say… Well, I care, I say. Today when I saw the big billboard with Timberlake trying to look like the friend next door across from Mila Kunis (more on her in a minute) I asked if I was ready for him. Hollywood clearly is taking the musician JT paired up with the “Holy Shit is Timberlake really in a David Fincher film” steam and putting him in a movie that Ashton Kutcher is born to play… No Strings Attached reference.

I needed to do some reflection and ask if I had any beef with JT, no. I actually really like his music, and when he had dyed curly blonde hair I secretly liked some of his poppy NSYNC music. So why am I questioning this? Well, it’s because I hadn’t accepted JT the actor quite yet. Although he’s been in close to 10 films I still always pictured him as a performer on SNL, in digital shorts, singing on the ESPY’s, and looking at Janet’s boob.

So let me do what I’m best at, and that’s break down scenarios that not need to be broken down, thus essentially laying out what’s going to happen with JT’s career post next week. As I see it, 1 of 3 things will happen:

Scenario 1: Best Case Scenario

The movie opens to good reviews, and not only does the movie open to good reviews but Timberlake has good reviews, and especially with his Kunis chemistry. Along with the good reviews the movie makes roughly 30 million and thus gives insta solidification to the idea that JT can be leading man in a movie.

From here he does a few more films with solid directors (next film is with Andrew Niccol aka a great director) and then re-enters leading man role in a comedy, then eventually moves to serious.

In this best-case scenario he takes on the career of former musicians turned actors: Frank Sinatra, Mark Wahlberg, and Will Smith. JT will one day look back at the time when he was second fiddle and occasionally dabble back in music making him the ultimate double threat to music and film. Of course he will produce, direct, and probably write something in the future.

The Big Ol’ Asterisk of this Best Case Scenario: Today is Harry Potter day and it doesn’t seem like this train is slowing down. On top of that, Potter has competition in the form of Captain America, which opens along with Friends with Benefits. What this means is JT’s movie is going to open at #3… that’s right, 3.

Opening Friends with Benefits is some kind of brilliance or a blatant slap saying “Hey we know you aren’t going to open #1 at the box office so we’ll just throw you into the mix of the 2 biggest movies of the summer.” Either way the best case is that this movie opens at #3 with 30 million.

Last thing on this – if it does open to 30 million then that means this weekend will most likely be one of the biggest opening weekends ever. Best Case.

Scenario 2: Worst Case Scenario

The movie opens to poor reviews and totally bombs. We hear that JT can’t open a movie and the in film chemistry is on par to Madonna and Banderas in Evita. The movie opens with 8 million and falls behind Potter, Captain America, this week’s Winnie the Pooh, and next week’s indie sleep Another Earth.

We all make jokes about this movie but ultimately wipe it from our memories and Timberlake needs to continuously take on rolls in the supporting world, makes another (good) album, and goes back to SNL to save face. His career would mirror former musician turned actors: Henry Rollins, Lance Bass, Bon Jovi, and Sting.

We will only see JT as a supporting role.

Scenario 3: Most Probable Scenario

The movie opens to mild reviews, as does JT’s acting performance. The movie generates roughly 20 million (very respectable) and still opens behind Potter and America. The catch with this scenario is that we can’t really get a gauge on what JT can do and is capable of – the thinking is as followed:

“He opened a movie during the heart of the summer and still managed to pull 20 million. We think we can still bank on him so lets toss him in another romantic comedy and see how he does… Um, who is available… Jennifer Aniston?”

This scenario is open ended because we don’t know what will happen, and this is precisely why this is genius to open this movie on this day. It’s a lock to make some money but if it doesn’t we can blame so many other factors.

JT will get many more opportunities to prove himself and eventually re-assert himself in the leading man role. For a while he’ll be like other musician turned actors: David Bowie, Ice Cube, LL Cool J, and Mos Def. But he’ll eventually come into his own.

One of the above will happen next week; we just need to wait on the reviews.

Final few things about JT – He’s doing his best to define himself as himself and move away from the musician of it all. I don’t know if it’s just me but I always find the “musician turned actor” less believable unless you’re the minority in Marky Mark, The Fresh Price, and Old Blue Eyes. So I need to respect what’s happening here in his career, because up until now he hasn’t really done anything too commercial (and yes I know he was in The Social Network).

JT surrounds himself with good people. Will Gluck directs Friends with Benefits who did the hit Easy A, and he’s paired with rising star Kunis. Mila basically has everything going for her right now – Black Swan, Sarah Marshall, Family Guy, Denzel movie nobody saw, and she dated Macaulay Culkin… Come on.

Lastly, he’s no fool. He clearly knows what he’s doing and makes very educated decisions about his next step in his career and apparently he’s good at what he’s doing. The simple fact that he was in The Social Network gives him actor street cred immediately. But that’s the thing with JT, we’ve only seen snippets of him, not a full 90 minutes of him… at least not yet.

So, next week, as you go see Harry Potter for the second time or check out Captain America just remember that the musical George Clooney (tons of chicks, isn’t slowing down) is going to open his first film and this will be the spark as to what will happen next. Although I’m nowhere close to sold on JT, I actually have faith that he’s going to do a great job and we’ll one day forget that he was a singer… until he does his Sinatra comeback tour.

Reboot Weekend.

Dear 1980’s,

On the weekend of June 11th 2010 Hollywood will release 2 films -  a TV show made popular for Mr. T’s hair, and a movie made popular for a man named Mr. Miyagi. I know it seems almost unbelievable because in a way they shouldn’t be recreated but it was inevitable, especially now.

So to all movie goers who aren’t going to see Shrek 4 please enjoy “The A Team” and “The Karate Kid.”

I’m just curious to which movie people think will do better this weekend - The Kid or The Team?

LOST, Pac Man, Star Wars, MacGruber... in one weekend.

A few things happened this weekend that needs to be noted… It’s a quick recap if you would.

1) The end of LOST. Personally many hours have been invested in this show and now many hours will be invested in talking about this show. It ended on Sunday night. Questions…Yes. Answers…Yes. LOST…Yes.

2) Google had this Pac Man theme going on.  It was the 30th anniversary of Pac Man and google tried to be cute by allowing you to play whenever you went to their site. However I think they missed something. Another major 30th….

3) The 30th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back. Let me throw some out some info… YODA (introduced) “Luke, I am your Father” (said it), Frozen Han Solo (yup), The empire Striking back! Never has a movie ended on such a cliffhanger. This is in my top 5 of all time. I think Google should have done a Empire strikes back theme!

4) MacGruber. It only made 4 million dollars this week, which is a BOMB. But I saw this movie. It’s completely underrated. I laughed many many many times. It’s a movie that knows it’s not something else. I would say this falls right behind Waynes World for SNL skits turned movies. Yes I said it.