The TSA Is Clueless

When I was in high school living in Greendale, Wisconsin my friends and I used to get harassed by small town cops with nothing to do. The cops were the most two-faced humans on the face of the planet, wait, not all, but most of them. The majority would put on a facade of “hey, we’re your friends” but what they were really saying is, “hey shitbag, please sneeze so I can arrest you.” It was from my high school encounters that a subconscious hatred-seed was planted in my head and as time went on I grew to actually distain police officers. I never trusted them. I feel like I saw more officers walk with an air of entitlement rather than officers actually trying to help the public. It took longer than I care to admit to say that I respect police officers. As I’ve gotten older some of the best men I’ve met are officers. Solid guys sacrificing themselves for others. It took time for me to see that and I wish it didn’t, but my small town asshole cop named Officer Daniels ruined it for everyone.

Flash forward to current day: I’m now having the same adverse reaction to the airport TSA people as I did to cops and I don’t see this changing at any point in the future. The way that the TSA “structure” is supposed to be is the biggest load of bullshit that I can imagine. It’s nonsense. Literally, nonsense. Let me breakdown what happened today at LAX:

- Arrive to security.

- See the big magnetic new age body scanning machine and directly next to it is a traditional metal detector.

- See some people walk through the traditional metal detector with shoes and a belt on.

- Unload my belongings on the conveyor belt, take off my shoes and belt, approach the new age magnetic body scanning machine.

- I say to the TSA guy “hey, I want to walk through the other one.”

TSA guy says, “no, you have to go through this one (magnetic new age monster)."

Me: “Come on man, I see all these people going through that one, what’s the difference? And why do they have their shoes on?”

TSA guy: “You either walk through this one (fuck you magnetic one) or you opt out and do the pat down.”

Me: “Seriously?”

TSA guy: “Seriously.”

Me: “Why?”

TSA guy: “You opting out?”

Me: “Can I just walk through that other one? What exactly is the problem?”

TSA guy: “We’re only letting adults with children walk through there.”

Me: “Dude, I literally just saw a bunch of people walk through there without kids.”

TSA guy: “They had kids”

I’m now starting to get angry. I should note that I have this dark side that only comes out when an authoritative person like this starts bullshitting me. Oh, also, there were no kids walking through the traditional one. But it begs the questions, why the fuck aren’t kids walking through the new age machines? Are they harmful to kids? If so, aren’t they harmful to adults?

Me: “Seriously man, you’re going to tell me they had kids? There were no kids!”

My voice, slightly raised.

TSA guy: “So you’re opting out?”

Me: “Yes, fine.”

TSA dude calls someone over and says I’m opting out. I wait about 30 seconds and guess what, the new age magnetic machine stops working, someone yells that it needs to be re-calibrated, and then suddenly they direct everyone to the traditional machine.

I asked the guy if I could just go through the traditional machine, he said no, it was too late. I lost my shit. My arms were failing, I was literally on the verge of a breakdown. I started to bitch about how this doesn’t make sense and why can people suddenly walk through here?

I saw the look on this TSA guy’s face, and it was a look of total enjoyment. A look of knowing full well what he was doing. A look of entitlement. A look of unwarranted power as though he was actually doing something good. We all know the look. We’ve been there.

While I was ranting and yelling another TSA woman yelled from somewhere “Whats wrong?” I pleaded my case, trying to tell her I just want to walk through the machine. Why can’t I walk through the machine!? 

As I was making a fool of myself they just let me stand there until the woman came over and told TSA guy to pat me down. As he took me over I asked him why some people were able to wear shoes and a belt and others couldn’t. He said

“If you pay $85.00 per year you can get a back ground check done and it will give you an express pass through security so you can keep your clothing on.”

Wow. You fucking kidding me? 

He patted me down, I was angry, my fiancé just looked at me like I was nuts, knowing full well my problem with these guys. When it was all said and done I took one final glance at the smug assholes who actually thought they were doing something beneficial… And just like that, current day TSA people entered into the realm of the high school cops.

The thing is, I know that the TSA is meant for good but the reality is — It’s a total cluster fuck. There is no rhyme or reason, which is as much scary as it is frustrating. Everything about it makes no sense and I feel like we all know it, I even think the TSA knows it. It makes no sense to have a new magnetic body scanning machine and a traditional metal detector next to each other yet not allow someone to walk through whichever they choose. It makes no sense to allow someone to pay $85.00 per year to keep their shoes and a belt on. These are both just a big slap in the face.

It’s infuriating.

So, that’s my vent while flying on an airplane. My attempt to not sound like an asshole when talking about such a sensitive subject. I want to note that while I fully acknowledge the good that is intended, it’s a faulty system, it just is. We’ve been scrambling for years to stop people from harming others at airports and keep out the “bad guys” and while we haven’t perfected that system we have perfected the art of frustrating travelers.

Last thing - Fuck you, Officer Daniels.

 

Oscar Predictions: 2013

Argo Wow, I have been totally slacking on postings lately but there is nothing better than Oscar season to change that. I love me some movies and even though I forget who wins 20 minutes after the awards are over, I love me some Oscars. However, something weird is happening this award season – I basically don’t have any fucking clue who is nominated for anything and have barely seen all of the nominated films. Why is that? How did this happen? Is it the movie quality? Is it the Internet taking me away from movies? Are award shows just irrelevant now?

I can’t think too much about it. I need to just dive into my predications.

I give you: 2013 Oscar awards predictions (even though I haven’t seen all of the films but don’t really need too).

BEST PICTURE

Amour Argo Beasts of the Southern Wild Django Unchained Les Miserables Life of Pi Lincoln Silver Linings Playbook Zero Dark Thirty

Winner: Argo. Argo has too much momentum. Affleck is going to win a best actor award some day… then best director… then we’re all going to look back on Affleck’s career and he’s going to down in history as having the most unique IMDB page ever.

BEST ACTOR Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables Joaquin Phoenix, The Master Denzel Washington, Flight

Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis. Never bet against DDL.

Side note: I watched Flight the other day and Denzel killed it.

BEST ACTRESS Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook Emmanuelle Riva, Amour Naomi Watts, The Impossible Quvenzhané Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild

Winner: Jessica Chastain – because… um… I haven’t seen 4 out of the 5 movies in here. This is a strange category, someone either very obvious or someone unexpected always wins. I wonder if there could be a crazy Jennifer Lawrence win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR Alan Arkin, Argo Robert DeNiro, Silver Linings Playbook Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Winner: Waltz!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS Amy Adams, The Master Sally Field, Lincoln Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables Helen Hunt, The Sessions Jacki Weaver, Silver Linings Playbook

Winner: Anne Hathaway. Remember when she hosted the Oscars that one year?

BEST DIRECTOR Michael Haneke, Amour Ang Lee, Life of Pi David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook Steven Spielberg, Lincoln Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild

Winner: Steven “I’m such a badass” Spielberg. Come on. It’s SS.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, Moonrise Kingdom Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty John Gatins, Flight Michael Haneke, Amour Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Winner: I think Tarantino is going to win this thing but if John Gatins wins for Flight I won’t be mad. Did I mention that Flight was insane.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild Tony Kushner, Lincoln David Magee, Life of Pi David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook Chris Terrio, Argo

Winner: Tony Kushner. Because it’s a Spielberg film!

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM Brave Frankenweenie ParaNorman The Pirates! Band of Misfits Wreck-It Ralph

Winner: Sad to say I haven’t seen any of these in their entirety. So this is how we’re going to do this? Any Pixar films on here? Yes? Oh, Brave. Okay, Brave wins.

Did You See Empire Strikes Back In The Theater?

 

My first introduction to the Star Wars films was from VHS. Unfortunately, I wasn’t alive when they hit the theaters but honestly, if I could get my time machine working I’d seriously consider going back for the Empire Strikes Back / Vader is Luke’s father reveal.

This weekend I had a conversation with my girlfriend about what it must have been like to sit in the theater and be blown away at the reveal. I can imagine people asking each other if they just heard that correctly, or god forbid, the people who had to deal with a crying child and missed it… or the stoner who couldn’t comprehend… or the guy who got sick and had to run to the bathroom and will forever regret the day he had to leave the theater.

Somewhere in my conversation I concluded 3 things: 1) I want to talk with people about their reaction to seeing Empire Strikes Back in the theater and what they did when they heard Vader was Luke’s father. 2) I want to talk to the few people who missed the reveal. 3) I am going to find people from 1 and 2 and make a video.

Not sure if you’re aware but I also make videos here on the web. I’m thinking that something I’m going to work on is exactly what I mentioned above. So, if you are someone who saw Empire Strikes Back in the theater or if you know anyone who did, please let me know or have them get in contact with me. I need to talk with them... And film them. Also, if you know anyone who left the theater please let me know.

Best email: josh@thebigshoe.tv

This quest starts today. I need to know exactly what it was like when people found out the baddest dude in the universe was the dad to Luke Skywalker.

(plug) If you want to check out any videos on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/thebigshoetv

What Happened To Ninjas?

Back in my glory days (aka the 90’s) the simple idea of ninjas were pumped into children maybe 75 to 80 times a day, whether it be cartoon or live action. Yesterday I had a moment to think about the times and I came to a realization that the idea of wanting to be a ninja may have died. What happened to ninjas?

In my book there is no question that we’ve gone soft as a society and part of me wonders if ninjas had to be faded out due to people thinking it was too violent. Just for clarity purposes, when I say ninjas what I mean is kids who pretend to know karate and think they can kick the shit out of anything, to a certain extent that kind of bleeds into being a silent assassin… which may or may not be some kind of ninja credo.

Do kids not think ninjas are cool anymore? If not, I blame the parents. The ironic part is that the parents are basically my age or just slightly older. Does this mean there could be a ninja reboot coming in the next 5 years when people my age start pumping out more kids and realize that they were fed ninja material for almost a decade?

Lets just rehash what the 90’s really brought us:

Teenage Mutant Ninjas Turtle: The TV show and the awesome movie and semi awesome second movie. Third movie is a piece of time travel junk and I’m not going to get into the latest TMNT reboot a few years ago nor am I going to get into the Michael Bay thing. I just realized the fate of the ninja turtles sits in Michael Bay’s hands… This may not be a bad thing.

Street Fighter: Amazing video game, questionable movie. Who cares though, they were mostly fighting with karate.

Speaking of Street Fighter... Anything with Jean Claude Van Damme: The Belgian sensation basically ruled the 90’s: Kickboxer, Double Impact, Double Team, and Sudden Death. Is Van Damme underrated?

Steven Seagal! Before Segal was on a reality show he was saving the world with karate.

3 Ninjas: Anyone remember Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum? This was probably pitched as Home Alone meets Ninjas Turtles – seriously. This also had 3 movies following, one with Hulk Hogan.

Aren’t these examples enough? They should be. Are ninjas still around like they once were? Am I missing something? Are they still marketed towards children? Will Seagal be in the next Expendables? These are the questions that keep me up at night…

Ashton Kutcher!

 

So, Forbes named Ashton Kutcher TV’s highest paid actor by bringing in 24 million between May 2011 and May 2012. I almost can’t believe I’m going to say this but is this guy a genius? I’d be lying if I didn’t say I appreciate (maybe admire) what he’s doing and basically what he has been doing for the last 10 years or so.

Aside from being the dumb guy on That 70’s Show his biggest contributions have been in the tech world and investing in start up companies. He seems to have some foresight and takes chances with new technology. I remember reading an article about 6 years ago that I was positive was in Time (I just searched the web and can’t find it) that was written by Kutcher discussing the benefits of twitter. In the last few years he’s seemingly invested in 20+ start ups and is on advisory boards of a handful of companies.

Whatever it may be worth you have to at least appreciate what he’s doing. When I first moved to LA he had a restaurant located about 10 minutes away from me on Sweetzer and Melrose called Dolce and now, many years later, that restaurant is closed down and looks as though Ratatouille may be cooking for all of his rat friends because the place is run down and taken over. He went through the “I’m a celebrity I need a restaurant phase.” Now, it seems as though tech investment is the smart thing for him.

I get the sense that he’s on TV to pay for his tech investments, and if that’s the case, then this guy is even smarter than I thought… and I can definitely appreciate that.

It’s early, I need coffee, and this has just filled my Ashton Kutcher quota for the next year or so.

*Side note: The Butterfly Effect is slightly underrated.

Videos for Writers.

I write screenplays or at least try to write screenplays. On a good day I’d like to consider myself a writer. In my times of procrastination I tend to hop on youtube and look at various writers giving thoughts on their process and even their history. I think people have a tendency to compare themselves to people, especially in the entertainment industry, and when you listen to other people pursuing what you’re pursuing it’s cool to relate with someone if you’re doing the same thing.

Along with writing I make videos – the two are meant to go hand in hand. I realized that I think it would be very helpful to have some short form videos of writers talking about… writing. But not the boring shit, which is what I think the main issue, is with videos about writers – they’re not exciting. But how exciting can they really be I guess?

Point is, I don’t think there are enough resources and entertainment from writers. So, I’m going to make some videos talking to writers, specifically, talking to screenwriters. But I wanted to send out this blog to the millions of eyes that see it (divide that million by a million then add 4 or 6 for actual number).

But I have some questions, mainly geared towards screenwriters:

Would this be something that is interesting to you, if you’re a writer… or if you aren’t a writer?

Are there specific sites that you go to, to listen to writers talk?

What are some questions you would ask a screenwriter?

Do you even fucking care!? Do you relate to people who are in the same field as you?

I’m obviously aware that these videos have to be entertaining and not boring like many would associate it with. I’d basically trying to create a series of videos geared towards writers that aren’t boring.

 

Underrated Movie: White Water Summer

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There are about sixteen moments in each day that I start to think of underrated movies. Typically the movies that come to mind are somehow embedded in my childhood and look like absolute shit to any current day first time watcher. Today I’m sharing an underrated moment and reminding the world that before we saw Kevin Bacon’s schlong in Wild Things and before Sean Astin was carried off the field in Rudy they occupied the screen for a summer time movie of glorious fun:

White Water Summer

Check out the plot summary courtesy of IMDB: An experienced guide (Vic) accompanies a city boy (Alan) and his three friends on their first wilderness experience. Hoping to teach the four boys lessons not only about the wilderness, but also about themselves, Vic pushes them to the limit. Soon after alienating the boys, Vic finds himself in desperate need of help and must rely on his students in order to survive.

I think this movie turned out a bit darker than it was supposed to be, or maybe not, maybe it was supposed to be as dark as it was. In my opinion I think the late 80’s and some of the early 90’s were a quintessential time for kid adventure movies. I feel like Hollywood was saying “How can we fuck with kids and then have them prevail?” And this movie is no exception.

If you’re having a 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon movie night… watch this movie.

Check out the trailer below. Side note: How amazing are old school trailers?

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QBmRr7h7Fw&w=480&h=360]

Rebooting Back To The Future.

 

I think I have finally figured it out! After years of tough and long mental thought I have figured out how to move forward and reboot the Back To The Future trilogy… and it came to me in a dream… No, seriously. I’ll hold off on the dream talk for now because we need to get a few things clear.

When I’m talking about Back To The Future I’m bundling all 3 films together because it’s that complete. I’m well aware that the 1st film is the best, the 2nd is arguably as good as the 1st, and the 3rd isn’t nearly as good as either but somehow gets better when you catch it on TV.

Here’s why it’s a brilliant trilogy:

Aside from the obvious things like amazing characters, fun storylines, great writing, great directing, and continuous new imaginative visuals it created a fail safe for itself. When Back To The Future literally went to the future in Part 2 it went to the year 2015, forever sealing its fate in that desired time and location. We currently cannot make a sequel to the film because our modern day (2012) doesn’t look like the conception when it was released in 1989, ie: hover boards, flying cars, and fashion. It’s brilliant, right?

Also, in Part 2 we learned that Marty had kids, was married to Jennifer, and Biffs grandson Griff went to jail (to name a few) - another fail safe. Initial thought is there is no way to make a sequel, say Back To The Future Part 4 because it would look hokey and out of touch. Of course this couldn’t have been the intent of the team behind Back To The Future when they created it but it happened, and it’s awesome.

Here’s what my thoughts have always been about trying to flip this trilogy:

- In order to keep this series going with the same title and characters someone would have to conceivably start from scratch and remake the film with a new Marty, Doc Brown, George McFly, Biff, etc… The problem with this idea is everyone knows it’s to soon to do this and that the original films are still better than almost everything in the world.

- The movie could take place in 1985 picking up from where Part 3 left off but the main issue is that a train murdered the DeLorean and Doc Brown is stuck in the old west. OH, and lets not forget the obvious… Michael J Fox and Doc Brown are older and cannot be in these films.

- Speaking of Doc Brown; maybe Part 4 could start in the Wild West and he could send some cowboys into the future for whatever reason. But, who really wants to start a film in the Wild West?

- At the end of Part 3 when Jennifer’s fax disappears stating “you’re fired” she asks Doc what the deal is and Doc says: “the future has not been written yet” – Oh shit! Does that one sentence negate everything above? Did Zemeckis know what he was doing when that line was spoken? What does that mean!?

Quick Side Note: I feel like this is a good random stopping point to point out that I don’t know why everything needs to be rebooted or remade. Honestly, I don’t know why I can’t leave this alone, well, yes I do. I loved this series and deep down I want to pay homage to it. I know that someone is going to redo this movie and trilogy and I want it to be me. Moving on…

Back to my dream and my Back To The Future solve. Remember in Part 1 when Doc Brown was shot by the Libyans at the Twin Pines mall and was talking about plutonium? Also, remember that Marty was recording him? In fact, Marty brought the videotape with him to 1955 to show doc he knew about the flux compacitor. Well, that footage is key to keeping everything moving forward.

In my dream a group of current day kids found the footage from Doc Brown and Marty (along with footage we’ve never seen in the films) and learned how to build a time machine, and not just from a DeLorean but from anything because they know what makes time travel possible… The Flux Compacitor.

The beauty of Doc filming himself in the first film opens up the idea completely and it’s totally logical he was in YouTube mode filming himself stating what he needs to do to time travel. Doc was essentially making a running diary of his work, thus throwing all of his knowledge to future time travelers.

The kids would then reference the footage, create a time machine, and proceed to go on their own adventure, and on this adventure they could maintain the integrity of the series and also reference things like Hill Dale, the clock tower, Marty and Jennifer, Biff, hover board… basically everything from the original that’s cool.

Major issue: The flying fucking cars in the future that we don’t have in current day. The solve: Doc Brown was the catalyst behind the flying and much of the technology that we saw in Part 2 but he just didn’t know it (this would also explain how he created a flying train in Part 3). But since Doc isn’t around because he went back to the Wild West the flying car hasn’t hit the scene… yet (but could be referenced in the video tapes).

Also, lets not forget Doc’s crazy ass “the future has not been written yet” line and plug that in when we need to. Is this line a cop out? Yes. But my entire plot hinges on that line and the videotape footage.

And BOOM, we have a reboot and a semi sequel to the films! But wait, just like Back To The Future there’s one more option -

My dream also consisted of a low budget version of Back To The Future – seriously. That low budget modern day version is a found footage approach, which still revolves around Doc’s videotapes but takes place in 1985. This version takes place during the time that Marty heads back to the past in Part 1 when the Libyans shot Doc.

The major flaw to this is that Marty took the video camera with him, but I’m sure there is some kind of work around to that. How cool is a found footage time travel movie?

What this all boils down to is that in order to reboot this franchise and not fuck things up we need Doc’s footage, it’s the spine to everything, its like the flux compacitor. In my dream it seemed perfect. With this footage we can move forward to open a new adventure for a new group of kids and integrate the old crew.

Does this sound crazy?

In my perfect world this franchise would go untouched, but that’s not reality. We’re in that zone where it’s easier to just retool and reboot everything under the sun due to the built in audience and financial return. Also, we’re getting to a point where the people that are taking over and can make these decisions were fan boys of the original series and if someone has the opportunity to redo this thing, it’s going to happen.

Truthfully, I want to make this movie and when I pitched the idea to someone they thought I was crazy and couldn’t be done. Screw crazy, Doc Brown was crazy and he made a time machine out of a DeLorean. If someone reads this and has the immediate power to get a reboot in motion don’t F things up.

Stooges

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What happened? What happened to my (former) favorite comedy brothers Peter and Bobby Farrelly akaThe Farrelly brothers? These two guys served the world two of the greatest comedies in the span of 5 years: Dumb & Dumber and There’s Something About Mary. They made slapstick comedy funny, they sort of defined Ben Stiller, they added fuel to the Jim Carrey fire, and they officially put Cameron Diaz on the map… okay not officially, The Mask did, but at least we knew she was funny.

It took me a minute to realize that they have another movie coming out tomorrow: The Three Stooges. I reminded myself the brothers were the guys behind Stooges and I felt bad for them. I’m never one to just dismiss someone’s work and judge something before I see it but my initial feeling is that this doesn’t look…err… good.

Anyone I’ve talked to is utterly confused about the Stooges reboot and the truth is, it’s getting harder to defend the Farrelly’s. I’m getting worried their time has come and gone, and it’s starting to seem as though people have lost faith in them. As I write this I’m well aware that I’m being very kind and I know people have lost faith in them, but I always want to defend them, I MUST, they fucking created Dumb & Dumber!

I don’t know if it’s easy to pinpoint the exact moment their movies took a turn for the worse. I feel that everyone kind of has an idea of when it happened but lets look back on the movies of the Farrelly’s. We’re going to start with awesome and work our way to current day…

The Farrelly Status:

1994: Dumb & Dumber – How awesome could this script have been to get Jim Carrey attached. At the time Carrey was coming off Ace Ventura and The Mask, and this movie just pushed him over the edge to be the first actor ever paid 20 million for a movie. I don’t need to talk about this movie any more.

Farrelly Status: These guys are on top of the world.

1996: Kingpin – Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray. Who really needs anything else in a movie? This movie coined a term I break out only to the worthy “Munsoned.” Was this movie as good as D&D, no, but this is still a pretty damn good follow up.

Farrelly Status: Still on top of the world.

1998: There’s Something About Mary – What an amazing movie. My buddy talked to me about how this is a perfect comedy and perfect script, he argued that this should have been nominated for an Oscar, and I think he’s right. This was such a hilarious film it blew up Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz. I would argue that this was the start of the whole Ben Stiller vibe - unassuming guy put in a really shitty situation. This was better than Kingping and made more money than D&D.

Farrelly Status: On the way way top of the world.

2000: Me Myself and Irene – I saw this movie with my friend Gerald and we laughed our asses off. Jim Carrey was back and he was as funny as ever, but a weird thing happened when this movie came out – It wasn’t the highest grossing comedy of the year, which everyone thought it would be, Scary Movie was. The Wayans outshined the Farrelly’s and Jim Carrey. For whatever reason this movie didn’t click like the others. One could argue this was the slight decline of the Farrelly’s… and maybe even Jim Carrey.

Farrelly Status: At this moment they’re not on top of the world anymore, just in the clouds.

2001: Osmosis Jones – Osmosis Jones!? Oh yeah, they did an animated movie. The movie BOMBED, but you have to wonder if you can blame them because it was animated. I feel that all directors who don’t specialize in animated films should sort of get a pass when they fuck up their first one; it’s the second one you have to worry about.

Farrelly Status: They’re falling below the clouds right now… but maybe it was the animation!

2001: Shallow Hal – Shallow Jack Black gets Tony Robbins-ed and sees women in a different light, specifically Gwyneth Paltrow. There was a backlash to this movie, due to the insensitive nature - it also wasn’t incredibly funny. Maybe it was Jack Black or the general idea of the movie, but something was off.

Farrelly Status: The guys are coming back down to earth right now but it’s difficult to get a gauge on them because their movies are so out there (in a good way).

2003: Stuck on You – Wait… Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear did a movie and the premise was “Conjoined twins from Martha’s Vineyard move to Los Angeles so that one of them can pursue an acting career.” WHAT!? This is where it changed for me. I remember wanting to like this movie but I just couldn’t. Bad movie that wasn’t well received.

Farrelly Status: The Farrelly’s are officially back down to earth (but still give them some credit for being out there! Right?)

Quick side note about this movie: This says a lot about the faith actors had in the Farrelley’s. It’s not as though Damon and Kinnear were unknown.

2005: Fever Pitch – And then there was this movie. Somewhat of an anomaly because they had to change the entire script midway through because the Boston Red Sox were about to win the World Series and this premise somehow hinged on the Sox.

The good thing about this movie: It was back to somewhat of a grounded tone but the bad is that it wasn’t well received. I feel that there was this lingering question that mayyybe this movie could have been better if the whole Red Sox thing didn’t screw things up, could it be? All I know is that young Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore were in this and I don’t know if they had any chemistry. It was a good try.

Farrelly Status: The Farrelly’s haven’t moved from being back down to earth, they’re just walking around now.

2007: The Heartbreak Kid – Remember this movie? Ben Stiller and Malin Ackerman. It’s about a guy who essentially shacks up with the wrong girl and realizes it on his honeymoon. Truthfully, I vaguely remember liking this movie and I kind of wish it did better. I feel that at this moment in time the Farrelly’s had been beaten around and realized they kind of needed to get their groove back, so they went back to Stiller in a Romantic Comedy.

Although this movie wasn’t bad it didn’t do well at the box office which tell us that either a) I’m an idiot and the movie sucked or b) the Farrelly’s lost their mojo entirely. I’m going to go with letter b because it made over $100 million worldwide.

Farrelly Status: The brothers are officially searching for a hit, still on the ground and have been surpassed time and time again by other comedic directors.

2011: Hall Pass – I’m going to stand by this statement: Awesome premise but a shitty movie. When I heard about this and that it’s about husbands getting a “hall pass” from their wife, I though this was going to be awesome. Not to mention it had Owen Wilson and Jason Sudekis. But, it wasn’t awesome and the entire time I was watching I was hoping it would just get better.

This film was as though you could see the grown up Farrelly brothers. As if you could see the transformation of guys who probably have families now and are a tad bit out of touch with what made them so great in the first place.

Farrelly status: They’ve become the guys who we all hope that they remember what they’re capable of. But hey, at least they can only go up from here. Oh wait…

2012: The Three Stooges – At one point Jim Carrey, Benecio Del Toro, and Sean Penn were attached to this movie. Can you fucking imagine that!? I’ve got to hand it to the guys for sticking with this film after it went through developmental hell but if the trailers are any indication of what’s to come then I’m scared.

So, it’s the stooges with 1940’s sensibility stuck in 2012? They still poke people in the eyes? I want to shake the Farrelly’s and tell them that they were the guys who elevated slapstick in the 1990’s and now in 2012 they’re regressing! You can’t go backwards! This isn’t fashion! You gotta move forward man…forward!

The only other time I’ve felt so opposed to a film is when the Smurfs was released in 2011 … and it ended up making $560 million worldwide…

Farrelly Status: Rock. Fucking. Bottom.

2013: Dumb & Dumber part 2:

Dear Farrelly brothers,

I don’t care about the missteps you’ve had in the past. Honestly you’ve had a string of bad luck and maybe people don’t understand you, maybe you still are the duo that I thought you once were. Let me tell you something, next year you’re going to make a sequel to one of the top 10 comedies of all time and no matter what, I’m going to see it on opening weekend. If you put the movie in 3D and have a cameo from the Stooges I’m going to be sitting with my popcorn watching this movie.

I say this to you out of love: If you pull off this movie I will forgive you for everything, and so will everyone else. Yes, everything.

Truly yours,

Josh

Future Farrelly Status: Back on Top.

Total Recall Reboot: You Win

On Friday I somewhat made fun of the idea that the teaser trailer for the rebooted Total Recall wasn’t for the film itself but rather for an upcoming trailer that was to be released today. I shouldn’t have made fun. I just watched the trailer and it’s fucking cool. Honestly if I had a trailer that looked this cool I would make 2 more teasers before releasing the full-length version.

Dear Marketing,

You win.

Sincerely,

Josh

Full-length trailer:

 
 
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWMhADqlPYg&w=640&h=360]