Did You See Empire Strikes Back In The Theater?

 

My first introduction to the Star Wars films was from VHS. Unfortunately, I wasn’t alive when they hit the theaters but honestly, if I could get my time machine working I’d seriously consider going back for the Empire Strikes Back / Vader is Luke’s father reveal.

This weekend I had a conversation with my girlfriend about what it must have been like to sit in the theater and be blown away at the reveal. I can imagine people asking each other if they just heard that correctly, or god forbid, the people who had to deal with a crying child and missed it… or the stoner who couldn’t comprehend… or the guy who got sick and had to run to the bathroom and will forever regret the day he had to leave the theater.

Somewhere in my conversation I concluded 3 things: 1) I want to talk with people about their reaction to seeing Empire Strikes Back in the theater and what they did when they heard Vader was Luke’s father. 2) I want to talk to the few people who missed the reveal. 3) I am going to find people from 1 and 2 and make a video.

Not sure if you’re aware but I also make videos here on the web. I’m thinking that something I’m going to work on is exactly what I mentioned above. So, if you are someone who saw Empire Strikes Back in the theater or if you know anyone who did, please let me know or have them get in contact with me. I need to talk with them... And film them. Also, if you know anyone who left the theater please let me know.

Best email: josh@thebigshoe.tv

This quest starts today. I need to know exactly what it was like when people found out the baddest dude in the universe was the dad to Luke Skywalker.

(plug) If you want to check out any videos on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/thebigshoetv

A New Hope (part 2)

Disney + Star Wars = Episode VII. Yesterday I had a knee jerk reaction that could only be described as … ah… not a good knee jerk. I couldn’t really imagine a world with another Jar Jar Binks. Nor could I imagine the Disney touch in a Star Wars film, but then I got to thinking. Worst-case scenario is easy to see, there are 743 different options, but after a night of sleep sans any alcohol I think I came to some best-case scenarios with this whole thing. Maybe not best case scenario but definitely more of an optimistic approach…

Why has Star Wars become tainted?

Lucas kept adding new shit to the originals - Hayden Christensen as a ghost in Jedi, new effects, Han actually shooting first, new characters, etc. But the main reason is because of the prequels that I stood in line for. The series really took the plunge when Jar Jar hit the screen. I should probably note at this point that I like Revenge of the Sith.

Point is, it’s already been tainted! We can only go up from here, right? If the prequels weren’t released wouldn’t this be a really fucking great moment? Is it possible that Disney would repeat the same mistakes?

Disney is about longevity.

It’s a business, and Disney is a machine. It’s in Disney’s best interest to preserve what they currently have. No way would they break format, they’re gonna ride this universe out far longer than any of us can comprehend. They’re going to recognize what worked, right?

Directors and writers.

There are a lot of good ones. Anyone who takes on the Star Wars universe is going to be shitting because odds are they’re working on the exact thing that got them excited for movies. This is the Holy Grail … wait … speaking of Holy Grail, are we going to see a new Indiana Jones franchise too!?

Kids will like it.

Don’t have kids, not really worried about them, but I am happy knowing that my 1-year-old nephew will one day live in a Star Wars world. Am I seriously writing about Star Wars VII right now? Can I figure out any other reasons to be optimistic about things, maybe. But this will have to do.

There’s no reason to run from the inevitable. The original movies will live on, nobody is holding a light saber to your head and making you see the future of Star Wars. Nobody bitches about the books that have been released exploring the Star Wars universe. We’re just as selfish as the Disney execs wanting to bring back the franchise… it’s just that we want it to stay sleeping so all we have is a lasting memory.

I have been brain washed by the machine. Bring on the movies!

Weekend Movies!

In honor of George Lucas bringing back the same product for the 20th time around but just making a few tweaks I think it’s only right we discuss the movies coming out this weekend. Truthfully I would talk movies anyway but this was a good segway, and before we jump into anything else we need to discuss The Phantom Menace, which is coming out 13 years later after it’s original release.

Lets take a few steps back here because something has happened to me, as I’ve grown older…

I once was an avid Star Wars defender. Truth is I saw Star Wars late in life (my teens) but once I got it, I was in. I went with my friend Jon to the midnight showing of Phantom Menace in Wisconsin and tried to find the good in it – even Jar Jar Binks. I saw Episode 2 and defended CGI Yoda and also the casting of Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker. I then went and waited in line for Episode 3 and found myself loving it the 3 times I saw it in the theater.

I was one of the guys, who overly defended Lucas for anything he was doing “wrong” like when he replaced the original Anakin in Jedi, added new scenes to the original trilogy, changed Jar Jar’s voice, and planned to re-release in 3-D (to name a few). I was on board with his excuse that what he was currently releasing was how he envisioned it all along but technology hadn’t caught up yet.

Then… Something hit me. I realized I’m under the force of Lucas and I’ve been defending things I don’t believe in. It makes no sense as to why I’d defend George Lucas. I like Star Wars for what it was and what it did. I came to terms with the fact that Lucas has been adding to something that shouldn’t change. One argument, which is totally valid, is that it’s his product and he can do what he wants. But the other argument is, which is totally valid, is that he’s fucking insecure with what he made so he keeps changing it, and can’t make anything new (and good).

Changing things to 3-D is one thing, but updating a classic is another. I’m not sure Lucas understands that people don’t want new added into the original Star Wars. It took me long enough to learn the name of the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine, I don’t want to be hit with more fictitious names. If you really think about what he’s doing it’s pretty unbelievable… he’s blatantly altering it!

Worst part is… I’m going to see it again! I’m angry with myself and I’m angry I’m under the force of George Lucas and his Santa beard. I digress…

The Phantom Menace is back. It’s currently tracking to make 33 million this weekend. That’s pretty big. I wonder why Lucas didn’t start with the originals. Lucas said he’s releasing new 3-D Star Wars every 2 years. At the current rate we’re not going to get to Jedi until 2022. This just in George Lucas: in 2022 we’re going to have holograms and technology better than 3-D. But you already know that. What are you going to do to Star Wars!?

Other Movies:

I should note that this is Valentines Day weekend and the follow movies are the perfect consumer slate before the “Holiday.”

The Vow: Dear John meets The Notebook. Channing Tatum meets Rachel McAdams. What could go wrong? Nothing. Here are all possible scenarios of why you’d see this movie:

You’re a single female and you love Channing Tatum.

You’re in a relationship and you love Channing Tatum.

You’re in a relationship and you’re desperate to have sex with your girlfriend.

You’re in a relationship and the female runs the show.

You’re in high school.

You read the book.

That pretty much covers it, right?

Safe House: Denzel and Ryan Reynolds. It’s amazing how I currently feel about Denzel, he’s still the man but isn’t the draw he once was. It seems like his sweet spot is to play the Training Day/Man On Fire Guy. It’s the “Don’t fuck with me” Denzel. All in all, this movie is intriguing and in a sense is the anti-Vow. Is it the anti-Vow? I feel like this movie is perfect because women love Denzel and Ryan Reynolds.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island: I love The Rock. I really do. I wish this foray in kids movies worked out for him but they just haven’t hit.  This is the film you take your kids too when you can’t take them to The Vow or Safe House and Phantom Menace is sold out.

Movies that aren’t geared toward Valentines Day and people won’t see… but maybe should:

Rampart: Don’t know much about this movie but I hear it’s a thriller and Woody Harrelson is great in it. I’ll probably see this at some point… maybe even in the theater.

In Darkness: Another movie I don’t know much about, but it sounds somewhat interesting… maybe a bit slow. The Plot: IN DARKNESS tells the true story of Leopold Soha who risks his own life to save a dozen people from certain death. Initially only interested in his own good, the thief and burglar hides Jewish refugees for 14 months in the sewers of the Nazi-occupied town of Lvov (former Poland).

The reviews aren’t too bad and I heard the director, Agniezka Holland, is very good.

I want to give a quick “not yet a movie but almost there” shout out to two trailers that were released this week:

The Amazing Spider Man

And

The Bourne Legacy

If you haven’t checked them out I suggest you do. They’re both reboots in their own right but they both look great.

Whatever you see this weekend (if anything) just know that I may be struggling through Phantom Menace at one point or another. Fucking, George Lucas.

 

 

Star Wars Porn.

Oh no... I guess something like this was inevitable, right? This couldn’t have been the first time porn, which parodies Star Wars was created, right? Apparently it’s the first time that monster adult film studio “Vivid” has tackled the subject, which I guess is a big deal in the porn world.

When I watched the trailer below I felt bad for Star Wars, then about 3.2 seconds later every part of me that felt bad remembered that Star Wars has sold out more than an opening weekend screening of Star Wars itself - From the Ewoks (arguably put into Jedi for merchandising purposes) to the re releasing of the films, with altered scenes and characters.

George Lucas is the master of making money off of his idea so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was behind the making of Star Wars porn… seriously. My only hope is that kids don’t see the XXX version before they see the original trilogy.

A few thoughts on the trailer below:

I should mention that this trailer has no explicit images in it… just a good ol’ fashion teaser.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X56oTgum_VQ&w=560&h=315]

 

- This porn may be the first porn in the history of porn that is actually watched from beginning to end. The Star Wars XXX movie may actually be interesting enough to the fan base to find out how it ends. Somewhere Dirk Diggler and Jack Horner are proud.

- The special effects in this trailer are actually better than the original Star Wars effects.

- Kudos for going CGI with C3PO and R2D2.

- Bonus points for the 2 best porn names in these credits: Dick Chibbles as Chewbacca and Lexington Steele as Darth Vader. Doesn’t it kind of seem like Chibbles and Steele are already Star Wars character names?

- Whose gonna play Yoda in the sequel!?

- Looks like they really nailed the Cantina scene.

- True or False: Somewhere Carrie Fisher is jealous she didn’t have a cameo in this film.

LeBron James meet Darth Vader

Uh Oh. He’s embraced it. He’s embraced being the bad guy.

LeBron has just embraced Darth Vader. It’s finally happened. My friend mentioned an article that I would definitely reference if I could remember where it was from. But the article made the point that LeBron has always been the superhero and never the villain. As soon as he murmured the words I’m taking my talents to south beach the hero died and the first part of this NBA season LeBron wasn’t used to being the villain, he’s always the hero.

Something happened recently, the hero went back to the town that he once protected… wait, enough with the comic talk, I’ll try to stop that now. He went back to the city he spurned, he was supposed to be the savior and then in their eyes he went Judas on them. Cleveland. Poor Cleveland, it feels as though they are just destined for absolute failure. LeBron went to his hometown to more boos than he’s ever heard in his collective 7 year NBA career and although that may sound foreign it’s not. He’s booed every time he plays in somewhere that’s not Miami.

But! This hero complex disappeared in one game. It wasn’t until Cleveland that he embraced this villain and went dark side on us. LeBron scored at will and he sat out the entire 4th quarter and the Heat still won by 50…okay 30(ish).

It was at that moment everything changed and he knew it. He knew that the only way to silence everyone is to kick their asses so badly that they have no choice but to shut up. If they didn’t shut up he’d keep on embarrassing them, and that’s what he’s doing now.

LeBron is back and he’s better than ever. He’s LeBron 2.0 aka LeBronakin Jameswalker. The one time jedi may have just figured out the powers of the dark side. He displayed that last night when he dropped a triple double on New York – the one time hopeful recipient of one LBJ.

So here we are the man has just killed Padme and he’s officially Vader. Who knows how long the dark side reign will last, who knows who the Sith Lord is, and who knows which one D Wade and Chris Bosh are… I don’t want to speculate on how this all ends because I’m having too much fun watch the Dark Side. But we all know how it ends.

LOST, Pac Man, Star Wars, MacGruber... in one weekend.

A few things happened this weekend that needs to be noted… It’s a quick recap if you would.

1) The end of LOST. Personally many hours have been invested in this show and now many hours will be invested in talking about this show. It ended on Sunday night. Questions…Yes. Answers…Yes. LOST…Yes.

2) Google had this Pac Man theme going on.  It was the 30th anniversary of Pac Man and google tried to be cute by allowing you to play whenever you went to their site. However I think they missed something. Another major 30th….

3) The 30th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back. Let me throw some out some info… YODA (introduced) “Luke, I am your Father” (said it), Frozen Han Solo (yup), The empire Striking back! Never has a movie ended on such a cliffhanger. This is in my top 5 of all time. I think Google should have done a Empire strikes back theme!

4) MacGruber. It only made 4 million dollars this week, which is a BOMB. But I saw this movie. It’s completely underrated. I laughed many many many times. It’s a movie that knows it’s not something else. I would say this falls right behind Waynes World for SNL skits turned movies. Yes I said it.