Sportscenter and Breaking Bad.

I sort of feel brain dead right now. It was a long weekend. Maybe it was because my lady was out of town and I proceeded to eat frozen pizza, drink beer, watch TV, and eat more pizza. Maybe it was because I was anticipating the Breaking Bad finale and felt emotionally drained. Maybe it’s because I’ve been staring at a computer screen all day and my emotions were poltergeisted from me and sucked into my laptop. Or, maybe it’s all of the above. It’s all of the above.

Somewhere in the fog and pizza I managed to come to two very important conclusions this weekend that (I think) have an impact on any human who likes either sports or watching narrative programs. I’m banking on one of these two things appealing to you.

Conclusion 1: I was really trying to avoid being the guy who talks about Breaking Bad. I’m not going to get into how great Breaking Bad is, we already know that, the finale was great. The show was great, it’s storytelling at its finest.  What I am going to get into is how great Breaking Bad was at marketing to its fans. I kind of think it may have been a game changer.

Breaking Bad knew exactly what it was as a show and fed into it. It knew that we as fans loved Heisenberg saying, “Say My Name” or “Tread Lightly” and Pinkman saying, “Bitch.” It was so aware of what it was doing that it didn’t over think itself. But rather, it fed itself, and in turn, fed us. It created hashtags that weren’t generic, and created novelty items (meth lab Lego set).

I don’t think there’s ever been a show of this caliber that played to its strengths in regard to communicating with fans. There was no forcing the Breaking Bad slogans, they saw what was trending and moved with it… Which is a great lesson for just about everything in the entire world.

Conclusion 2: Sportscenter is never not on.

What. The. Fuck. Seriously, Sportscenter is always on. I have Time Warner which has 3 ESPN channels – ESPN, ESPN2, and some 3^rd ESPN station that I literally have no clue about… ESPNews maybe?

I was staring at my cable guide and noticed that as one Sportscenter would end on ESPN it begin on ESPN2 then end and then begin on the 3^rd station - and continue, over and over and over and over. The weird part is, is that these were all different Sportcenters talking about the same thing, sort of, but with different people. Then when a certain time came, ESPN just looped the original Sportcenter!

In my slumped over fat guy weekend mode I searched forward to find out if this was just a weekend thing, it isn’t! ESPN legitimately loops Sportscenter.  This is horrible. I love Sportscenter as much as anyone but this is not right. The main reason being is because Sportscenter now releases so much content they’re talking about non-stories and bullshit that shouldn’t warrant a conversation. I don’t give a flying fuck what LeBron said on Twitter or the Instagram of him and his wife, I don’t need you to tell me, that’s why I have Twitter and a Instagram account.

Sportscenter talked about Dwayne Wade and Kevin Durant’s minor words back and forth like they had a KG / Carmelo exchange.  The ironic part is, having this oversaturation of Sportscenter being there 24.5 hours a day makes me tune out and allows me to appreciate the Internet’s a la carte style along with good writing from sites like Grantland.

Eh, bitter old man talking. Whatever, Breaking Bad was great. I’m off to read about sports. 

Petraeus: The Least Surprising Thing Ever.

 

Dear surprised people,

Am I the only person who thinks that the General Petraeus cheating scandal isn’t really that big of a fucking deal, and the only thing we should be surprised by is that he’s stupid enough to use email. Somewhere in that CIA training he had to understand the possible negative implications of an e-paper trail.

I think it may be time for a good chunk of people to enter the real world and stop pretending that we live in a Leave it to Beaver world, and people of power do in fact… stray.

I understand that people like to hold others in a very high regard, and I understand that common folk tend to have wandering eyes so common folk needs to look at men and women as people with more self control, ultimately holding them in a brighter light and looking up to them.

Its time that people stop acting like infidelity is a sign of the times, it’s not. It’s been around forever, maybe even longer. It’s just that there are more ways for people to get caught. I think the real goal is to live in honesty and be upfront about everything. The person who has nothing to hide usually doesn’t get caught for cheating.

For the record I’m definitely not saying that having a mistress and straying is a good thing, nor am I saying it’s the right thing. I’m just saying that we all need to stop being so fucking surprised that people who you don’t actually know have someone on the side. Having a mistress doesn’t change the world - it just keeps it going.

Sincerely,

A guy who has been faithful for many years and would possibly be castrated if it was any other way.

P.S.

Here’s a list of (some) men who have had mistresses:

140% of NBA players (not exact) 120% of NFL players (not exact) 110% of Futbol players (not exact) 90% of Hockey players (not exact) 70% of MLB players (not exact) Thomas Jefferson Benjamin Franklin George Washington Alexander Hamilton James Madison Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Bill Clinton Client 9 Elliot Spitzer Newt JFK Lyndon Johnson Anthony “greatest last name ever” Weiner John Edwards

…You get the point. Stop being so surprised.

The Craziest Thing All Week...

 

A lot of things happened this weekend that could possibly rank in the “wow that was some crazy shit” pile.

To list off a few things in no particular order - Felix Baumgarten jumped from space and proceeded to break the sound barrier THEN proceeded to land and stay alive for it. The space shuttle Endeavor rolled through LA to its new resting place at the California Science center. The Yankees lost Derek Jeter and Aaron Rodgers almost brought back his title belt move while beating up the Texans.

However, there’s something bigger here. Something so confusing that it trumps everything that happened this weekend: Alfonso Ribeiro aka Carlton Banks from The Fresh Prince got married this weekend. Congrats dude! But the marriage part isn’t what makes this crazy. I read in an article that Will Smith, Joey Fatone, and David Justice were groomsmen.

Ribeiro. Smith. Fatone. Justice.

If there was ever a moment in history that would confuse me it would be the combo of The Fresh Prince, Fatone, and Justice all doing something together. But I get it; these are Ribeiro’s friends, and this shouldn’t weird me out as much as it does, however I just can’t shake it.

I want to see a picture of all these guys together. It seems like the most random pairing of all time. If anyone has this picture or tracks one down please send it to me asap.

Sorry Felix “first man ever to break the sound barrier” Baumgarten, Carlton Banks and his amazing friendship tree one upped you.

Seriously, someone send me a picture…

Milwaukee Brewers and Fair-Weather Memories

Truth be told – I’ve been checked out of baseball during my adult life longer than I’ve been checked in. I remember the days in Wisconsin when I’d wait for new baseball cards like I was waiting for a child to be birthed. My friends and I would go to the local police station and, for reasons unknown to me; they would always have the new Brewer cards.

I think growing up during the late 80’s – early 90’s it was still kind of kid mandatory to enjoy baseball, wait no… to love baseball. Our parents were coming off the days of sandlot pick up games and being fans of old school traditional players so it’s to be expected that their tradition was passed along to us. Also growing up in a smaller city and community put more pressure to love your hometown team like you were actually helping them win – the ultimate fan.

…And for a hiccup of time, I was the ultimate Milwaukee Brewers fan.

Over time, I faded from my baseball love and started to like other teams, it didn’t help that the Brewers were seemingly a terrible team ever year and I was more interested in doing anything else than watching them. It also didn’t help that Brett Favre joined the Packers and took over Wisconsin in about 5 minutes, Wisconsin and myself suddenly became complete and totally football by 1997 - it was as if I had forgotten to be a Brewers fan.

This past weekend, and 14 years later, The Brewers were 2 games away from reaching the World Series and something crazy happened… I was rooting for them again. Wait! Before you say what I know you’re going to say:

Yeah, you were cheering because they were winning….

Yeah that’s true, but that’s not the point, the point is I was a Brewers fan and it felt damn good. Well, it always feels good when what you like is doing well. Regardless of my fair-weather fandom I had a wave of old Brewers memories rush to me like I was a kid again. This past weekend while the Brewers were getting bounced form the Playoffs by the cardinals I took a moment to reflect on my past memories/ moments of The Brewers over the past 20+ years, and why they were so awesome…

Robin’s Yount 3,000th hit: I was at this game and the Dude rode a motorcycle on the field with that huge stalker mustache. Who could get away with that now?

Paul Molitor doing anything: Sure he was coked up all the time but he was still a great player and watching him and Yount doing their thing was like Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla minus the Homeruns and … er…. That’s it.

County Stadium: I loved this place. This stadium had such a blue-collar beer drinking vibe to it with so much history they had to go and tear it down. Seriously, this place had an area called “Vaughn’s Valley” Where Greg Vaughn would jack home runs every day and everyone would celebrate by throwing beer into their mouths.

Miller Park: Lots to remember of Miller Park in its short history. For starters the fact that a huge blue crane fell on it, which ultimately delayed the completion by about 2 years but more importantly it took the lives of 3 workers.

This stadium was a big change from County Stadium because it had the retractable roof. I remember sitting with my Dad long after a Brewers vs Cubs game waiting - we caught wind that they were going to close the roof… this was both the first time either one of us saw a roof close on a stadium.

Bernie Brewer: The Mascot… the lame Mascot.

Mark McGuire batting practice: What does this have to do with The Milwaukee Brewers? Nothing really, but a group of my friend stood in the Miller Park parking lot while McGuire was juiced up on steroids during his record season. The guy literally hit balls out of the stadium – it was insane.

Tailgating: What good is anything in Milwaukee without tailgating? This actually is my favorite part of games – drink – hang – drink – eat – drink – talk – drink – and forget why you’re in the stadium parking lot.

Bob Uecker: The Uecks! I think he’s still the play by play guy for the Brew Crew. Either way having Bob do play by play always made me feel like we had a celebrity announcing the game and at any given moment he would introduce Wild Thing Ricky Vaughn. Which reminds me….

Major League: Shot at Country Stadium, Milwaukee’s 11th claim to fame.

That Logo: Find me a more brilliant logo than the one above. You can’t.

The 2011 Brewers: The team that almost got me back into baseball.

I’m extremely happy for The Brewers and for the memories, and to all you fair-weather fans like myself…. Hope to see you next season.