LA Lakers: Observations & Predictions

- The Lakers seem like they’re a team that needs a moment where they all are going to have to play scrubs on Venice beach and have an 80’s bonding montage some time during the mid season just to give themselves confidence.

- This is the first time in the history of life that fans know more than the coaches. We all see the inevitable fall of Mike Brown’s questionable offense. He’s somehow made one of the greatest point guards of all time a non-factor.

- This year could be a year that blows up the franchise. Mike Brown will kill Dwight Howard’s thoughts of signing an extension, which will result in him leaving. Brown will get fired. Nash will retire early.

- The Lakers are going to have a players only meeting after their Venice beach fun and say, “fuck it, lets do what we want.”

- Princeton offense is gone.

- Derrick Fisher signs with the Lakers. Where is D. Fish?

- Lakers somehow make it to the NBA finals.

The Weekend: Quick Recap

 

MOVIE:

It’s official. I broke my “not going to the movie theater” streak this weekend and saw Project X. I had mixed feelings about it and may still be recovering from the hangover I received while watching. Overall I didn’t mind it, I knew what I was getting myself into – A found footage exaggerated drinking comedy in high school. At least, I think it was exaggerated… Coming from the crazy suburban streets of Wisconsin I think it’s safe to say my parties were a tad more contained than that of Project X.

It’s a fun movie and if you’re going to see it don’t expect to see an incarnation of a John Hughes film - It’s more topical to the time we live in. I wonder how many teens got completely hammered after watching the movie and then tried to recreate the premise of the film but only had 8 kids show up at their house… TV:

Lindsay Lohan on SNL: Is it just me or has SNL hit its stride in the last year? Last week’s Maya Rudolph show essentially was one of the best shows I’ve seen as a stand-alone in a long time, and I find myself seeking out skits. Buuuuuut then the stride hit a roadblock named Lindsay Lohan.

Does anyone remember Lohan the actor? Not really, right? She’s just a girl we feel sorry for because of her (seemingly) really bad upbringing and continuous horrible choices. I think that everyone felt like this SNL was an opportunity for her to clean up her image a bit and say, “I’m good, I can still act, and I still have a career!” But the reality is, it didn’t, and she’s not that good anymore… I feel kind of bad for her.

The episode took the easy route of poking fun at Lohan’s past issues, which was funny, but to obvious. Aside from her stumbling over lines she looked uncomfortable. I may be looking to far into this but don’t you think when she was presented with an opportunity to redeem herself on the SNL stage she’d REALLLY go for it like she’s in the final acting role of her life. I think her phoning it in on SNL says a lot about her. Having said that… It was the second highest rated show all season and THIS skit was pretty fucking funny.

Awake: Maybe the coolest show on TV that I hope doesn’t get cancelled. It was created by Kyle Killen aka “The Guy who created The Beaver but then Mel Gibson went Mel Gibson on everyone so the movie bombed” aka “The Guy who created Lone Star but nobody watched it and you don’t know what the hell Lone Star is” aka “This guy is really talented” (Fairly certain I misused “aka’s” and my “quotation marks” “””). Check out Awake.

Celebrity Apprentice: This show is a mess! Shark Tank: This show isn’t a mess and it’s insanely underrated. I think I love Shark Tank. If you don’t know the premise - it’s essentially Mark Cuban and 6 other successful business minds hearing pitches from people and then they bid on it or tell them it’s a horrible idea. The NBA:

I watched The Lakers VS Heat on Sunday and aside from how awesome the game was the other thing people were talking about was D. Wade’s smedium shirt. I think it’s time we have a “best dressed” competition in the NBA.

Mid Game Lakers VS Clippers Thoughts

Pre Season Game 2 in progress: -This preseason game look like it’s a regular season game post all star break.

-Ron Artest – You need to stop playing basketball. I haven’t quite grasped the amnesty clause yet but I think the Lakers need to ditch Artest yesterday. I’m avoiding calling him Metta World Peace right now.

Seriously, this guy is only good at making 33.3% of his layups, 9% of his shots, and he’s not stopping anyone. I’m sorry to say it… but … Ron Ron – your time is done, you don’t look like a good basketball player.

-The Clippers remind me of a better version of Oklahoma City. They have a ton of young talent that’s eager to prove themselves but more importantly they have Mo Williams and Chauncey to be vets of the team.

-The Lakers are in trouble. They look like they’re in a complete scramble mode hoping and praying someone steps up. Watching the Lakers I’m reminded why they were swept last season in the playoffs. This kills me to say this but they’re starting to take on the identity of the spurs over the last few years. My buddy Corey first mentioned this last year but I didn’t want to believe him… he was right.

The worst part about the Lakers is that they don’t have a young Kobe right now, they have a 1-2 years left Kobe. If anyone thinks he’s dropping 81 points this year they may be delusional.

MID GAME SWITCH

-Turned on the X Factor and its celebrity guest singer night. Avril Lavigne just sang and then R Kelly. Not sure how I feel, I can’t stop thinking that Nicole Scherzinger is crazy and the new Paula.

BACK TO THE GAME

-Ron Artest tried to shoot it but Andrew Bynum intercepted it in the air and he dunked it. Artest acted like it was a pass… it wasn’t.

-I’m trying to wrap my head around something. I’m trying to figure out when the Lakers had so many white guys on their team, and also so many potentially playing together at one time.

Check out this line up: Steve Blake at the point – Jason Kapono at shooting guard – Troy Murphy at forward – Josh McRoberts as the other forward – and Pau Gasol at center. This thought just blew my mind.

-I think only Utah could rival this lineup.

-Kobe Bryant’s injury scares me.

-Chauncey Billups won’t miss when open.

-LOB CITY. McRoberts just dunked. Andrew Bynum was having a good game but I was just reminded he’s good for only 1 half of basketball.

I’m scared that the Lakers.

Chris Paul: The Ex Girlfriend

As a Lakers fan I went through a wave of emotions yesterday. In the morning I was talking to my buddy and we were discussing Dwight Howard and Chris Paul, I was saying how I’d love it if the Lakers got Superfreak Dwight Howard and then we joked for about 3 minutes about how amazing the Lakers would be with both Paul and Howard. About 3 hours later I got this call:

Me: Hello

Him: Did you hear!?

Me: Huh?

Him: Paul for Odom AND Gasol!

(silence)

Me: Dude?

Him: Paul FOR Odom and Gasol!

Me: Don’t fuck with me man, I’m walking down 4th street and can’t take this right now.

Him: Seriously it’s all over the radio!

I ran and checked the Internet but it wasn’t there, apparently 710 ESPN in LA is faster than the Internet. As I scoured various sport outlets to read more I started to think about the trade. I thought about how much I loved Gasol and was even starting to come around to Odom. I started to think of Andrew Bynum’s peanut butter knees and how we’ll have to rely on him, I thought about how this would affect Derrick Fisher, but then I went back to how much I really loved Gasol.

Quick side story on Gasol: I was at a game and as Gasol was walking back to the court after halftime, some crazy fan jumped about 2 feet over the railing right in front of Gasol. As security was running to apprehend the guy, the guy quickly pulled out a marker. Gasol stopped the security guards and slyly grabbed the marker and signed the guy’s jersey. Security ushered him back to his seat. If I wasn’t sold on Gasol, I was then.

You know what else is really weird about Gasol and Odom – my girlfriend knows who they are. Aside from Kobe, I think they’re the only players she actively cares about. In a different time I could picture Gasol as the Dos Equis most interesting man alive, not sure why but he appeals to women… he just does. She knows Odom because he’s a Kardashian – we’ll leave it at that.

Finally the Paul story popped up and it was true, the three-team deal was taking place and I needed to come to terms with two 7 feet players leaving. I had to say goodbye to two key components to rebuilding the Lakers after Shaq departed.

After I was sort of coming to terms with this whole trade and starting to envision Paul tossing an alley-oop to Kobe and Kobe then has to do an acrobatic lay up because his legs are not 23 years old anymore I was officially coming around. I know how great Chris Paul is, that’s not up for question, it’s just the size we’ve lost and the instability of Bynum that’s keeping me worried. And then I get a message….

“The trade was vetoed”

What the fuck? I come to learn Dan “I can’t keep LeBron James so I throw tempter tantrums” Gilbert shot out some email and this is viewed as an unfair trade. The Lakers aren’t getting Chris Paul... And then a moment that happens to every human at some point in their life took place:

The Lakers not getting Chris Paul made me want him even more. I somehow forgot about Gasol’s kindness and Odom’s Kardashian-ness. All I could think about is Chris Paul doing his best Magic Johnson impression to the Lakers last season in the playoffs. I started to envision his healthy knees tossing a half court pass to Kobe and Kobe some how is flying when he catches it, then he dunks on someone.

Chris Paul has become something I want even more because we can’t have him. He’s like the ex girlfriend you didn’t like but she pulled the trigger to break it off with you and suddenly the girlfriend looks about 9 times better. I’m still in this phase. I’m trying to remind myself that when these things don’t happen it’s usually for the better, somehow it always works out.

I have this gut feeling that we’ll get Paul… somehow… someway. In my perfect world we’d get him in free agency next year and the entire Lakers roster reorders their contracts just to sign Paul, just so the Lakers can give the emphatic fuck you to everyone.

Final thoughts:

Even though I know Dan Gilbert isn’t the only man behind this I’ve never been Team LeBron more than I am right now.

It’s too bad we couldn’t get Dwight Howard - that may solve everything.

My friend just text me and said I had a man crush on Chris Paul.

Filling The NBA Void.

 

Anger and confusion have taken over – I really wanted the NBA season. What happened? It just felt that since the NFL figured out their issues the NBA would too. I was wrong. We’re coming off one of the most exciting seasons in a long long time, specifically because “I’m taking my talents to south beach” was said and then followed up by their party that was similar to a WWE entrance.

I know we’re still somewhere in the woods of having an NBA season – there’s still a chance. But, it’s not the same and the damage has been done. Even if they somehow salvage something and manage to have a 50 game season I will forever remember it as a “Who gives a shit season”. There’s going to be a glaring asterisk next to the NBA champion / MVP / and basically everything else associated with this time. The only thing this season is good for now is 1 – highlights and 2 – a loooong pre-season before next year.

DAMMIT! I really wanted to see The Lakers, Kobe yelling at his teammates, Derrick Rose, Blake Griffin, Big 3, Big 3 fight, Big 3 make up, Trade talks, Shaq on TNT, the All Star Game, and did I say Kobe yelling at his teammates?

After I read that the players rejected the offer and will disband I immediately thought of ways to fill the inevitable sports void - In no particular order:

Watch the Green Bay Packers shack up with the 72 Dolphins after they win the Super Bowl: This option is the most helpful. After the Pack won the Super Bowl last year it really made me not worry about much – there was always a bright side to my sports life.

The Kardashians: Yeah, that’s right – I said it. Not only is it good TV but it’s also a chance to check up on Lamar Odom and the impending Kris Humphries story line. Some NBA action, right?

YouTube: Lots of old NBA highlights.

The Sing-Off: Commercials for the next season have already hit the TV. They’re promoting it to start after The Superbowl. I can already imagine the follow up to “Move like Jagger” but this time it’s remixed by Cee-Lo.

The X-Factor: This season isn’t even over yet and I want another season.

Hockey: Can I get into this? Eh, probably not.

UFC: It’s a good reason to act like I know fighting styles and drink beer. I may watch this – Only if Brock “the 14 year old trapped in a Manimals body” Lesner fights someone.

Baseball: Baseball is that one sport that finishes and seemingly starts up the next week. The Milwaukee Brewers made me like baseball again for the first time since the 90’s – I may actually give this a shot (when the playoffs start).

AMC television: Catch up on Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Mad Med - AMC has slowly become the channel that is in the same sneeze as HBO.

Or, of course, there’s always the option to turn off the TV and start reading and doing things more productive… which I secretly hope happens and then everyone forgets the NBA. Truthfully, my stubbornness is taking over and I want to teach the NBA a lesson. I don’t like being at the mercy of any organization and the simple fact I thought of things to do instead of watching the NBA upsets me – I just like the NBA that much.

I’m pissed because of what they did to their fans, how they handled this, and all of their employees that will be without jobs. I honestly hope we as fans force the NBA to scramble and make them earn our attention.

NBA – see you in 2013. Idiots.

Thoughts from a dunk contest: 2011

I had the pleasure of checking out the dunk contest last night (Thank you Corey) and we saw a guy dunk two basketballs, then “three” basketballs, and then man jump car which left me walking away with a few thoughts, and maybe ideas on how to go forth.

The Thoughts:

1 - Serge Ibaka: The man from Africa who was just as much glam as he was dunk used his first dunk attempt to launch from the free throw line. He did it, and it was a legit free throw line dunk. For whatever reason I think he garnered a 45, a 45!? He jumped free throw line! The thing with the free throw line is once Jordan cocked his legs back like he’s floating he changed the visuals of it. MJ flew, and everyone else is just jumping.

If you want the 50 from free throw, you need to figure out how to soar – not jump.

2 - The glam and the glitz: Too much of it. Please show me raw dunks. I think it’s cool to have a bunch of props but it’s turning into a Hollywood movie during summertime, just show me the academy awards and be better than everyone else.

3 - The many attempts: After Nate Robinson took 45 minutes to do 1 dunk a few years ago they changed the rule to allowing the dunkers just 2 minutes. Well, 2 minutes is too long. If you nail the dunk of the first try then it’s unexpected, spontaneous, and plain awesome. Allowing someone to try over and over lets the steam from the room.

I propose the new rule! If you miss your first 2 dunk attempts you are automatically deducted 1 point, the highest you can get is a 9.

4 - The score cards need to go lower than 8. Not sure if you realized it but the cards they hand out are 8 through 10. If you suck I want to give you a 3.

5 - The 3 ball dunk: NOT A 3 BALL DUNK. It’s funny because after JaVale McGee, from the Washington Wizards, dunked 2 balls on separate hoops and took 1:30 seconds I said “I want to see him dunk 3 balls.” Then sure enough he said he was dunking 3.

He successfully dunked 2 then John Wall bounced the 3rd to him. He may call it a dunk - I call it goaltending assist from J Wall.

6 - Allowing fans to “vote”: No, stop it now. I don’t care how interactive you want it to be. This is stupid, maybe allow them to have input but leave this to the judges.

7- Cee-Lo: Wears very bright clothing.

8 - The newest Golden Child of LA: Blake Griffin. Dude is awesome, just awesome. When he made it to the final round he did a dunk that was pretty incredible. Toss of the back board, catch and stuff his forearm deep in the hoop a la’ Vince Carter 2001.

Then… he jumped the hood of a car with Baron Davis giving him the assist. Also, he brought in the Compton choir to sing an R Kelly song while he dunked. I hate to say this but I wanted to see him jump the entire car.

The car jump was spectacular don’t get me wrong but his first dunk he made was on the first attempt and no props, and that’s why it was almost more incredible. I will say this: In the final round Blake Griffin made me forget someone was even going head to head with him. He had it won 2 weeks ago.

All in all I want to see the supreme athletes do things with no assistance and no flash. Show me something I can’t think of or do on a 6 foot hoop. And although I want to see more superstars in the dunk contest (Bron) I think this was a great job to pump some life back into it.

I love All Star Weekend.