Emergency Row Issues.

Every few months I go on rants about how there is no method or madness to airports or TSA regulations. Every airport in America seems different. Every airport seems to follow a different set of TSA rules. Every airport seems to be confused and hoping nothing goes wrong. It’s all a bunch of confusing bullshit. To add to that list is the emergency row… This will be quick and truthfully I once wrote something about the emergency row but it’s worth mentioning again.

I just booked a ticket on Virgin. I upgraded to main cabin select which happens to be a seat in the emergency row, which means I get free TV, free internet, free movies, unlimited free drinks, I pay more money, and OH, I get to fucking save some lives if shit hits the fan. Did I mention that I get free drinks and will most likely be partly drunk on this flight?

This is all so confusing. It’s a blatantly obvious trap to pocket more money and screw over consumers. If airlines really cared about the emergency exit and saving lives no drinks would be allowed and I’d think the ticket would be cheaper. Right? Yet, it’s a flawless system. I just upgraded to the emergency row for the hope of free stuff and leg room! I just paid money to be put into a row where I can either be a hero or a total drunken loser who doesn’t know how to open the emergency row.

Best case scenario -- a slightly drunk hero who had a ton of leg room until shit hit the fan. Goddamn you airlines.

Colorado: The Culture

 

For me, Colorado is one of those places I could go and one day later realize that I’ve been there for five years. Not sure if that’s a bad thing or a good thing. Keep in mind it’s not really a place for me, I’m more accustom to city living in California. Even Denver doesn’t have a complete city feel to me, it just seems like a pretty laid back.

When I think of Colorado I think of …

Recycling, changing my eating habits to get rid of glucose, getting a Subaru, riding a horse, eating cage free eggs, hiking, bike riding, more activities in general, drinking more beer than I already do, watching less TV, being outside more, yoga, and getting a dog – To name a few.

I was visiting my family in Colorado these last few days and lost track of time. I was consumed with relaxing with elements of drinking. I forgot that I write on my blog and actually have stuff to do. I was ultimately sucked into the culture and it scared me. There is always the possibility of never coming back.

I’m back in LA with clear eyes and a detox ahead of me. I feel like a stronger man after weathering the Colorado culture. I’m happy to be home, I was even happier to visit my family – It’s kind of a confusing scenario.

Whatever the case, I’m back to work and wondering if anyone else feels like I do in Colorado. Do you lose track of time? Am I just victim to visiting family and taking a vacation? I don’t know, and that’s just the thing. Colorado did this.

*Yes, well aware that I bunched a lot of cities and towns into “Colorado.”

Inevitable Awkward Plane Transition

Boarding airplane…

Sit down…

The person sitting next to you takes a seat…

What happens here is a big moment. Do you engage in small talk, which somehow usually leads into longer talk? For the sake of argument, let say yes, you do. You’re chatting about the small irrelevant things like weather, time spent in whichever place you are, why you’re in the current place you’re in, etc…

You’re starting to get worried because you’re realizing that what you thought was small talk has turned into medium talk and you’ve just started to discuss your job. Shit, is this a full-fledged conversation? Yes, it is. It’s inevitable that you need to work yourself out of this conversation but you don’t know how, what’s a good segway?

This is an interesting moment because you know you could open up the conversation and make a larger investment but that’s not what flights are for; flights are for catching up on shit you were supposed to do on the ground.

ENTER: The inevitable awkward transition.

I hate this moment because I know for a fact that I (or anybody) cannot engage in a 3.5 hour airplane conversation and you need to end it. Deep down inside I hope that the other person is feeling the same thing so this conversation can be cut easily be cut short and not in awkward fashion. In my flying experience this is how you know you’ve entered that odd awkward zone:

- You’re talking and asking questions – everything seems fine.

- Stewardess comes on and tells you how to buckle your seatbelt and your conversation is sort of slowing.

- If you make a joke about the stewardess then you know you’re running out of conversation.

- Post stewardess there will be another push into conversation.

- Take off is happening and you’re starting to look out the window like you’re mentally wishing the town you’re leaving a “goodye” but wait… The person next to you brings up one more talking point.

- After the talking point you find yourself just staring at the seat in front of you – You’re in the zone.

You now need to decide how the remainder of the flight is going to go, are you going to close your eyes? Start reading your book? Open your computer? Either way it’s inevitable that your actions are saying “I’m done with this conversation.” There is no easy transition because you kind of want to be nice but at the same time, the conversation is over.

You transition away from talking to the person next to you and start doing whatever it is you want to do, with a former conversation just lingering.

I hate the awkward transition but is this just me? It can’t be, I see it happen all the time, but maybe I just over complicate what should be a mutual understanding that it’s time to stop talking.

If you’ve mastered this art then all the power to you and you should consider yourself a jedi in plane etiquette. By the way, this whole scenario can be null and void if you just don’t spark conversation… but wheres the fun in that?