Every few months I go on rants about how there is no method or madness to airports or TSA regulations. Every airport in America seems different. Every airport seems to follow a different set of TSA rules. Every airport seems to be confused and hoping nothing goes wrong. It’s all a bunch of confusing bullshit. To add to that list is the emergency row… This will be quick and truthfully I once wrote something about the emergency row but it’s worth mentioning again.

I just booked a ticket on Virgin. I upgraded to main cabin select which happens to be a seat in the emergency row, which means I get free TV, free internet, free movies, unlimited free drinks, I pay more money, and OH, I get to fucking save some lives if shit hits the fan. Did I mention that I get free drinks and will most likely be partly drunk on this flight?

This is all so confusing. It’s a blatantly obvious trap to pocket more money and screw over consumers. If airlines really cared about the emergency exit and saving lives no drinks would be allowed and I’d think the ticket would be cheaper. Right? Yet, it’s a flawless system. I just upgraded to the emergency row for the hope of free stuff and leg room! I just paid money to be put into a row where I can either be a hero or a total drunken loser who doesn’t know how to open the emergency row.

Best case scenario -- a slightly drunk hero who had a ton of leg room until shit hit the fan. Goddamn you airlines.