It’s Saturday August 3rd, 1:58pm and I grabbed a Sam Adams beer to sip on before I start to organize my ideal Fantasy Football roster for our Monday draft. But first – about this beer - I’m sure we’re all familiar with the commercials of Sam Adams beer and the founder sticking his face in the hopps like he’s snorkeling. Then the commercial proceeds to brag about how many awards it wins and how much they all love beer.

I’m certain those commercials have made everyone just a tad more suspicious of their first Sam Adams sip. We take the sip and suddenly a flash of that dude sticking his face in the hopps appears. The thing is, I find this beer really good, but I can’t figure out if I’ve been brain washed from that happy go lucky commercial. Anyway, I digress…

The Fantasy Football draft: I know who I want, we all know who we want entering fantasy football, we all have the moment of a dream when we think we can assemble the perfect team. And at this point someone would typically make a list of players who are sleepers or who would make your team better, but I need to take a different approach.

Every year I take people who I think will enhance my team and when the season is over I reflect and I typically I traded them. Why do I trade them if I thought my team would be better? Well, because I knew I was taking them off of total and complete hope that they’re better than I think, or because I have some personal attachment to him. Having the personal attachment is a problem. You draft off of what was, or what will never by (hype). Which, brings me to a list of players who I have to write out of my draft…

I give you:

“The Players Not To Take Because Someone Somewhere Has A Personal Attachment To Them, Including Me” list.

- Reggie Bush: Okay, so my girlfriend went to USC. Okay, so I’ve seen the Kardashian porno and Bush resembles Ray J. Okay, so every time he touched the ball in college he did something that steaming Willie Beamon may have done in Any Given Sunday. Okay, so he we sort of slighted by the Texans when they passed on him for Mario Williams and he was taken second my the Saints in 2006. Okay, so he helped New Orleans rebuild as a community and helped them win their first Super Bowl title (which was great by the way).

Personal feeling aside for what he did with Louisiana he has killed me in fantasy football. I’ve literally been trying to take Reggie Bush since 2006 in hopes that he’s Barry Sanders, but he’s not. Bush is the ultimate decoy on the field, which doesn’t help fantasy at all. Coaches fear that he’s almost as fast as Usain Bolt and they always have to keep an eye on him. But his numbers don’t lie, and he hasn’t been the biggest help to me or anyone else in fantasy land. Maybe this year will be different on the Dolphins… maybe. But as far as I’m concerned – I’ve learned from my past… no more!

- Donald Driver: In all honesty after I typed Driver I just started at my wall and contemplated banging my head into it until I passed out and forgot what I typed. If you don’t know, I’m from Wisconsin, and I love this man as a football player. Love. Man love. He’s been solid since 1999 and is the premiere catalyst to any team. If this was X-Factor, Simon Cowell would say that Driver has it, he’s that important to the Green Bay Packers.

Here’s the thing – The Pack are more loaded than Gary Busey on any given weekend. They have the ability to go to Greg Jennings, James Jones, Jordy Nelson (modern day Don Beebe) and Jermichael Finley (whose coming off a injury and is hungry for footballs). Also, the Pack are unselfish, which is why everyone should love them. If they win another Super Bowl they’re flirting with being the Midwest version of the Patriots. Seriously.

Point is - DD doesn’t get the ball like I want DD to get the ball. This past year his average receptions dropped by about 22 over the last 10 years, his yards have been the lowest since an injured 2001 season. I just can’t take you DD but I think you’re more important to the Packers than any wide receiver… easily. Not to mention you have Jerry Rice like work out regimen.

- Drew Brees: I know, I know. Drew Brees is Drew Brees. Truthfully I don’t know if one guy has done so much with a team that doesn’t have the super stars, which is a testament to Brees and the coaching staff. But I can’t ignore the fact that DB threw 22 interceptions last year, the most of his career, and they’ve lost some key people on offense. Specifically they lost Bush (see above) by the way Bush was injured last year… maybe that’s why so many INT’s were thrown?

I think that Brees is way to risky and in my opinion a tad bit Fantasy overrated. He brings the intangibles like leadership, and I would take him if motivational speeches got me 7 points per game but they don’t. I’m expecting a questionable year, and I don’t like that. I need to remind myself to stay away from this guy… he may be great… he may have helped rebuild a city… he may have looked at San Diego in the face and said “F-U” but in 2011-2012….ehhhhh.

- Frank Gore: The good is that he’s one of the best pass catch running backs in the league. He averages 4.7 yards per carry in his career. So dude can play some football, no doubt about it. But, he always seems to go high in my drafts, and I actually always try to take him. I need to remind myself of something –

He’s played just 1 full season since 06.
06’ was the lone season he’s had 300+ carries.
He fumbles like a politician – 4.3 times per season.
He’s in a new system with a head coach that has never been in the NFL. The good news about this, is that the very same head coach ran the ball 535 in 2010 and threw it 379 in a college system… so there’s hope.

I suppose it’s the fact that injuries are injuries, and Gore unfortunately is susceptible. I love you man, but I gotta let the logic take over (Unless I can get you late in the draft).

- Donovan McNabb: Remember when you were the starting QB in Philly 2 seasons ago and now you’re starting in Minnesota? What happened?

I love McNabb, I’ve always loved him but I think it’s time to just sit back and part ways. It’s as though I don’t even know who this guy is anymore. In Andy Reids system you knew what you were going to get from him, not to mention he was the respected leader of the team.

I don’t know if he’s going to Brett Favre 2010 or Brett Favre 2011 on the Vikings (trying to not throw in a penis joke… Success). I just have to pass on this guy because as much as I’ve loved what he’s done in the past… I just don’t trust him - he’s just a comfortable pick. For the record I hope he succeeds.

I can’t believe I’m going to write this next name…

- Peyton Manning: The 4 time NFL MVP. Let me clarify something. The only reason I put Manning on here is because he’s been a lock to take in the first round. If some crazy fan wanted PM and took him first, we’d question it, give him shit, but ultimately understand it.

Unfortunately the lock out wasn’t kind to Peyton as he’s fighting an injury that looks like it will keep him out of the first game of the season, and maybe more. When the season was coming to a close last year, this man who is the most mechanical in the league started to look a little shaky. He kind of reminded me of Favre in his final Green Bay years, minus the gun slinging aspect of it. But he’s definitely taking more chances, which I don’t think is a good thing.

He’s still good, as a matter of fact he’s still kind of great. But something is a little different about him… I’m not saying to avoid this guy all together, I’m just saying that not taking him in the first few rounds wouldn’t be a bad idea.

I should stop this list now because my fingers are still burning from writing about Peyton Manning. I have this feeling that I’m going to pass on him and he’s going to put up 45 touchdowns and 11 interception this season, giving an emphatic “I’m a Manning” middle finger to all the doubters. Time to finish my beer.

On to my Labor Day draft.

LABOR DAY: 10:16am.

Just finished the draft and I not only picked McNabb in the 13th round but I took Bush earlier in the 9th round. Have I learned nothing? Damn, it just felt right.

Moving on, 2 final thoughts:

1 – On paper, pre actual football, everybody’s team looks great. Everyone feels confident, myself included.

2 – The autodrafter, you son of a bitch. Not sure how it always happens but it seems to happen. When you have an autodrafter in your league I think it automatically brings the league prestige down by 10%. We had 1 autodrafter. Since we have a 10-person league we’re currently operating at 90%. The only way we can go back up is if the autodrafter attempts to make 50 trades before the season. And we still can’t get to 100% I think the highest we can go is 98%.

About the Autodrafter:

He called me early this morning, like 3:30am early, and sounded like he was on a Lindsay Lohan binge. I called him back – nothing. I tried later – straight to voicemail and said his voicemail was full. In his defense… this sounds like a good excuse. But is it really ever a good excuse to be the Tonto of a Fantasy Football draft?

Bonus Final thought:

This was the first time in my football life Brett Favre hasn’t been in the draft pool. Nobody cared or thought twice about it. How quickly we forget people when they change teams, change teams again, make one of those teams really good, take pictures of their dick, and then retire (again).

A moment of silence for Brett Favre… Now a moment of excitement for the return of fantasy football.

If you’re not a sports fan there’s a good chance you didn’t know there was an NFL lock out for the past few months. What that meant to the common fan, like myself, is that players and owners were on rocky ground and couldn’t come to an agreement on issues such as money, more money, and then money. What this also meant was there were no stories on football to report because the sides were divided and “locked out” - ie: no trade rumors, injury reports, updates, shit talking, all the things that engages us as fans.

As the common fan I was indifferent these past few months, and something happened. I didn’t look at ESPN.com as much and I didn’t watch Sportscenter as often. From that alone I came to a conclusion: I care too much about sports. It was eye opening how much time I spent randomly reading about my team and off-season moves. From that conclusion I told myself that I think I may take a step back, I think I can substitute sports indulgence with something else.

When I heard the lock out was over the first thing I did was text a buddy some random comment about how it’s time for the Packers to repeat and win the Superbowl, then to follow it up with a comment about Brett Favre (probably a penis joke) and his retirement. Truthfully, I think I was waiting to send that text since last season, and I don’t ever think I will ever get tired of Brett Favre comments.

Later I went to ESPN.com to read about football then went to Twitter, to tweet, but also to read tweets about football. Kind of pathetic, right?

In the course of 2 hours I was back into the flow of football. What’s going on with trades, free agents, teams, my potential fantasy football, and then it hit me… What the hell was I thinking? I love sports.

Was I some kind of sports fan who was posing as someone who didn’t need sports? Did I really think that I could take a step back from sports when my hometown Packers just won the Super Bowl? Who the hell was I kidding? I love to read about trades, hear about team issues and inspirational stories, I love watching motivational catches and acts of athleticism that I only think I can do, and most importantly: I love to think I know more about my team than the general manager does… I’m a fan.

Which leads me to one very solid conclusion: I was lying to myself about not wanting football. Which opened a can of worms… what else have I been lying to myself about?

I give you my: Lies I’ve told myself in 2011.

Not Wanting And Needing Sports: See above. But let me add juuuust a bit more to this. Sports are fun and engaging and they remind me of the greatest line Matthew McConaughey has ever said in a movie - “I get older, they stay the same age.” Of course MM was talking about high school girls, but in sports the talent level stays the same or learns from their predecessor and improves.

(Women, sorry I just compared you to the sports talent level but the same could apply for men. I should probably get of this subject, in the words of McConaughey and every movie he’s ever been in “Alright…Alright…Alright”)

Entourage Is Played Out: I’ve been telling myself that this show jumped the shark for years. (Thank you Fonzie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpraJYnbVtE) Ever since Vinnie chase took on a drug addiction and E started his own management company I was thinking, WTF. But, truth be told I really like this show and have been following it now for 8 seasons. It’s difficult not to stay attached to this show, especially when you live in fiction world like myself and actually think you have the same Hollywood problems as this crew. I’ll be sad to see it go.

I Don’t Like Harry Potter: I embraced and took on this series after the Prisoner of Azkaban. Voldemort is no Darth Vader but I’d argue he’s the closest thing in a very long time (I still love you Star Wars). Harry Potter, you’re adventure and I appreciate you for this.

I Understand Soccer: Yes, I understand how soccer is played… or wait, do I? I don’t know if I could tell you who is off sides or even how many people are on the field at one time. I really thought I understood this, but on the world scale I don’t understand how the teams match up, when they play, why they play, and what tournaments are going on when they’re going on. I’ve recently jumped into this to try to learn and educate myself on the most popular sport in the world.

I Like Dominos: Fact: In 2010 employees of Dominos shoved pizza ingredients in their noses and around their asses (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9PikBzNNo&feature=related).

Dominos went on to launch a self deprecating campaign, which apparently saved Domino’s stock, to say that they’re going to be fresh and they have learned from their mistakes…blah blah blah bullshit. I tried their new “recipe” and almost fell for their make over until I saw a Dominos employee smoking in front of Dominos.

And then it hit me – I almost fell victim to corporate advertisement. Dominos has done nothing to change their employees just their perception. As far as I’m concerned this is still happening… probably in a lot more places than Dominos, but I need to see it to believe it.

I Love Netflix: Love is a strong word, and I misused it on Netflix. Before they split the $7.99 streaming and 1 DVD package to $7.99 for each service I was skeptical with this streaming service. It’s half assed as it stands, but to their credit they’re in beta phase with streaming and trying to get more licenses to stream, but I don’t love this, I like it. Get more streaming movies and I’ll love it.

Realty TV is Worthless: This statement was too general, example: Anthony Bourdain is great. Also, the worthless trainwreck is the best entertainment.

Too Much Technology Hurts Us: What the hell was I thinking? I love the options and the possibilities. I love knowing that I may be a cyborg soon and that I can connect with millions of people in a matter of minutes. I once thought this may be intrusive but the reality is, we’re accepting it and running wild with it.

Bring on the eye scans and nano’s!

I Understand Google+: This is fairly new to the world, and it’s the social networking mastermind that should rival Facebook. I am here to say, I don’t necessarily get it.

So I can only have circles? Why are my pictures so big? Am I always signed in? Wait… I’m in my 20’s - I should get this… right?

And so it goes, maybe this is more that I just don’t necessarily like it as much as I don’t get it, and maybe it will take time to grow all over me like google did 10 years ago. Also, Facebook is just embedded into my system right now and I don’t know if Google is doing anything so different that I need it, the one exception is that I use Gmail, which actually may be a huge google advantage. Either way, why ruin a good thing? Unlike Facebook, Myspace was clunky and scattered – which is why it took over Myspace in 1 second.

Not to sound like an old man but I realize there are many things I may have written off a little too soon. Patience and time are much needed, it’s good to sit back relax and remember things you … Wait… Shit… McNabb may have been traded to the Vikings, gotta read ESPN.com.