I’m trying not to swear, especially when writing something, but in this case I just don’t know any way around it. Sometimes curse words manage to emphasize something in ways that other words cannot. And with that in mind…
I can’t fucking believe I’m watching Jersey Shore.
The last time I was watching anything on MTV was probably the Real World 734 with Coral and Mike aka The Miz aka How did this guy because WWE world champion? But alas, I’ve somehow started to watch the Jersey Shore and all of its pre planned, and over processed glory. I’ve been telling myself that it’s okay, and that it’s just one reality show, can this constitute as a guilty pleasure?
I’m going to ignore the Jersey guilty pleasure aspect because there’s more to this, the more being that not only have I gotten into Jersey Shore but I’m starting to occasionally pay attention to other reality shows. I’ve never been a reality TV guy, what happened to me?
There’s 3 parts to this: The obvious is that my girlfriend watches it and there is no escaping the man and woman viewing cross over. The next is that deep down I really appreciate these shows. When someone creates a reality show it’s hit or miss, anyone can toss a bunch of train wrecks together, give him or her alcohol, and watch the madness unfold. It takes a precise mish mash of personalities to really click. The last reason is a little more complex, which means it deserves it’s own paragraph.
I watch a lot of stuff on the web and I don’t mean shows on Hulu, I mean I watch a lot of web series’ released on youtube, college humor, blip, etc… Many of these series are free flowing, they’re 3-minute clips of shaky camera’s and obnoxious people occasionally being funny, also, I watch a lot of video blogs. So what does this all mean? It means that my common Internet watching is basically like watching a reality show, but when I see glimpses of Jersey shore with significant production value I almost appreciate it. I’ve become more tolerable to reality because it’s something I’m so used too. Good or bad, that’s the case.
Truthfully my partial reality TV resurgence didn’t start with Jersey Shore; I think it started with Lamar and Khloe on E! Seriously. Much like my initial reaction when I’m done watching the show I say “I can’t fucking believe I just watched Khloe and Lamar.” But this got me thinking about reality TV. I had to dig deep into my bag but I have compiled a list of the 10 “why can’t I quit you when I accidently turn you on” mind sucking reality shows.
This is in no specific order:
1 - Jersey Shore: Obviously this is mentioned above. But the most impressive thing about this show – It’s 1 hour long. To its credit, it’s stylized and keeps me watching like some bad car accident. Also, it broke the USA barrier and is currently in Italy.
2 - Kardashian Anything: Keeping up with, Khloe and Lamar, her porno… whatever. I can’t stand in line at Gelson’s without seeing US weekly and some airbrushed shot of this family. I bet when Bruce Jenner was in the Olympics this is exactly how he saw his life play out.
3 - The Rachel Zoe Project: This is the most pointless reality show on TV. It’s a designer trying to dress celebrities and running around with her sexually ambiguous husband – she always encounters some issue with clothing or an assistant – then figures it out. In order to watch this show you need to be a woman, live in NY, like fashion, or between the ages of 18-60… Dammit! This is a perfect show.
4 - Kendra: Huh? You mean that chick that used to sleep with Hugh Hefner and then tried to make a career of being that chick that used to sleep with High Hefner? Yes, her. She has a reality show. If you ever watch it, you retain nothing aside from knowing not picking her husband in fantasy football.
5 - The Real Housewives of Anywhere: These shows are kind of bad and definitely almost cross into Shore territory. I’m currently occasionally watching the housewives of Jersey and – wait – random tangent:
Is Jersey the official worst place to be from? What other place has ever been depicted as bad as Jersey has? If Kim Kardashian’s husband resigns with the Nets then he could have his own Jersey thing going on. This family will never stop like Chucky the doll. This state may never stop. Which brings me too…
6 - Jerseylicious: See #5 and please make me stop talking about Jersey.
7 - America’s Got Talent: Is this a reality show? If it is does this fall in with The Voice, American Idol, and the soon to be X factor? I actually like The Voice, but Talent kind of sucks at times. I feel like Nick Cannon is a shell of himself waiting to burst out of his current self on stage. I guess an excuse for him is that he did marry into the Mariah family. Either way everyone on this show is too nice, this is basically a show of 3 judges who know they want to be on a different reality show.
8 - The Bachelor(ette): I don’t ever watch these shows - or do I and just forget them because they’re almost as memorable as Halle Berry in Catwoman.
9 - The Real World Challenges: Yup, these are still on. Yup, there is still some of the same cast as from 2001. Yup, they’re all wondering how Mike the Miz is the WWE champion too.
10 - Teen Mom anything: I can’t eve believe this is a show. This isn’t a show it’s a mistake. I don’t want to watch depressing reality TV shows, I want to watch uplifting drunken cluster fucks of people sleeping with each other and accidently becoming teen moms. Wait… I got it…
How can we fix Teen Mom? Every show the teen mom should take the kid out to a club and we watch her try to pick up on people, and then change the name to: After school Pick up. Eh?
I’m sure there are plenty more out there, I know there are, but I need to get my reality compass in a better place before I start making snap judgments. On the flip side there are some great shows that I actually feel good about watching: No Reservations, inTransit, Chopped, anything-on HGtv when my girlfriend watches it. You know what, I think I may need to acquire a list of solid reality TV to work it’s way through this mess of mindless repetition that I somehow always watch.
You know when people used to say “I look at Playboy for the articles” – that’s how I feel when trying to justify reality TV. I tell myself I watch it to see what works because it interests me. How can these people hold our attention for this long, what is this show doing right?
I can’t fucking believe I watch reality TV.