The Art Of Procrastination

Meet Tim. Tim’s your average 20 something guy who just got a new job doing admin work for a large bike company. One of his duties is to write a report for his company, in this case his report is to track the emergence of bike stores in a 3 city radius and if any of these bike stores are similar to his company. Tim’s initial reaction:

“Well this is boring as shit.”

A familiar reminder sneaks up on Tim, he needs a job, and the reality is the report will take about 35 minutes if he just focuses and gets his work done. 35 minutes is perfect because his game is going to start at 7:30, that gives him more than 3 hours to do this. Plenty of time to finish, grab food, and relax for the night…

4:14 – Tim sits down at his computer. Opens Microsoft Word and starts to type “Bike Stores…” Stops, changes his font to make it larger. Thinks about using bold, stops and stares at his screen – he then clicks on the little Firefox web browser at the bottom open the internet and look into new bike stores.

4:20 – Opens a website for bike stores, this website allows you to Facebook “Like” what you’re looking at. Shit, that reminds him… Facebook.

4:21 – Facebook browsing. Oh wow, Michelle uploaded new photos from last night – lets check em’ out for a minute.

22 minutes Later Tim has just looked at Steve, Michelle, Leslie, Matt, Phil, and Chris’ facebook pictures. He chimed in on 3 conversations and “liked” the movie Speed at some point in between. He’s back to reading about bike shops.

4:45 – Microsoft Word is opened and Tim is writing his first line of his first paragraph, he’s just learned about some bike shops that are growing which is perfect because this can be a key to his entire report. He’s moving, he’s on to his second… third… now forth sentence. Wait, damn. A big green line just came under his fourth sentence, it say’s he should have used a “ ; ” (semicolon) and not a ” , “ (comma) for about 2 minutes he wonders what the “ ; “ sign is anyway, and he restructures the sentence because he thinks commas make his look smarter.

4:53 – That comma threw him off. Tim is standing now, pacing, getting ready to write. But, he’s hungry and could use a snack.

4:54 – Looking through the cabinets – Not something heavy or greasy because he’s typing. Look in the fridge – then freezer – the cabinets again. Ah! Pita chips!

5:01 – Sitting back at the computer, munching on some pita chips, they’re so good. Tim reads the nutritional facts, after reading the facts they taste even better. He reclines back a bit because he doesn’t want to get crumbs on his keyboard.

5:04 – Okay ready to get back to work. He stretches and cracks both sides of his back, stares at his computer screen for a bit. Damn, he should have got water with the pita chips.

5:06 – Apple juice is sitting next to him, he decided against water. Okay, time to work on the report.

5:11 – A sound goes off on his lower right hand corner, it sounds like a bird whistle. Oh yeah! Tim signed up for Twitter last week and installed Tweetdeck on his computer, he hasn’t changed the settings yet but when he is @mentioned then he gets the noise. He opens tweet deck – Damn! Is Charlie Sheen really talking about warlocks again? Oh wait, who mentioned me? Oh, it was Phil!

5:25 – Tim finally has constructed the best 140 character retort to Phil he could think of, so funny… he hopes. Wait, can Phil sense sarcasm via twitter? Yeah of course he can.

5:31 – Redid the Phil tweet.

5:32 – Lets see what James Franco posted on yfrog.

31 minutes pass and Tim could tell you the location of Judd Apatow and Kathy Griffin. They’re 3,000 miles apart - Twitter told him. He silences his computer, no more tweet deck noises.

6:03 - Focus, okay. Looking over the Trek website, then Specialized. Tim’s getting his info he needs, starting to get into his groove but is having some problems finding certain specifics – Oh wait, his blackberry is beeping that red light… ignore it. Tim grabs his blackberry. Text from his buddy, Blake Griffin did what!?

6:10 – Youtube time. Apparently Black Griffin had some crazy dunk. Tim finds it. Holy shit, the dunk was pretty nuts. Next to the 12 second video he’s watching there is a link “LeBron James dunks” he’s just gonna watch one video.

14 minutes later it dawns on Tim that he’s not as far as he thought on his report. We’re approaching 6:30 and he’s not even half way. Okay, that’s fine. He’ll jam this out, not to mention he can miss just the first few minutes of the game.

6:24 – Tim’s stuck. No progress. Wait, what exactly is this report about? Does it even need to be in the form of a report? He wonders if he can just write back and say not enough info, and come back to it later? He’s checking.

6:32 – Damn, there is enough info, he checked. He’s wondering why he didn’t utilize the info he just looked at.

6:35 – Slight progress. Just one problem, the new JJ Abrams film released a new trailer today, he’s gotta watch it.

6:38 – That was awesome.

6:39 – Working, sort of.

6:41 – I should check my email.

For the next 28 minutes, after checking work emails and personal emails, Tim enters a mini crisis. What am I doing with myself? He realizes this isn’t even the job he wants, he should be doing something better and noble like saving the world or something. He’s wondering if he’s over reacting. Wait, Tim can work through this, he’s mentally strong enough. He remembers how much this job pays and it gives him a lot of free time. Okay, okay, he tells himself he’s okay. He just needs to do some push ups to get the blood flowing.

50 push-ups, 2 headstands, and partial yoga he once was taught, and an added 11 minutes Tim is somewhat rejuvenated. But he’s tired. He once heard that Aaron Sorkin has to shower to get his mojo going, he needs to clean off his bad energy. Good idea. Time to take a quick rinse.

7:35 – Shit! The game is just getting going and Tim is drying off. He better rush this because he’s gotta see this game, he hates to Tivo it.

7:50 – Tim has 4 paragraphs, he’s about halfway done, and his eyes are burning the clock on his computer. He’s wondering where they are in the game, and reminds himself this is a HUGE game

7:53 – A skype message pops up, Tim always keeps skype and AIM open. His next-door neighbor messaged him:

“Dude! You watching this?”

“Not yet”

“Want to come over for a beer?”

Tim knows that was the kiss of death. He evaluates where he is in his report knowing that he’s about halfway, maybe he can finish the other half after the game? Yeah, it shouldn’t take to long.

Tim heads over to his buddies, leaving his computer screen open as a constant reminder to get his work done when he returns home.

10:40 – Game is over. 4 beers consumed. Tim sits on his computer and checks out for highlights of the crazy game he just watched. He notices the small W representing Microsoft word – Damn.

In a moment of mental desperation he convinces himself that he can finish this in the morning. Even if he doesn’t finish this in the morning he’ll do it at work, it doesn’t need to be turned in until about 3, he’s about half way done so it should only take about 15 minutes. It’s the perfect plan.