Short Story Sunday: He Said, She Said - The Plan

The Plan and some history: My Buddy – MAN is going out on a date with a female friend’s, friend - WOMAN (Hang in with me on the names). They have been out a few times and my Man friend has assured me they will be sleeping together tonight. I have convinced my female friend to compare notes of what her friend says about the date.

What does the opposite sex say? What do they think? What do they talk about in their spare time? It’s a thought that has run through my mind for longer than I would like to admit. My friends and I have conjured up ideas but who knows if I’m right. I hear that the woman’s mind works just like the man’s, which I actually believe.

The wheels have been turning in my head for a while with a plan to actually see the difference for myself. How could this be done? How can I see how a woman thinks and how a man thinks given the same exact scenario?

One day, one fateful day, it happened. The stars aligned and God looked down at me and said: “This is your moment.” The proper mixtures of people and moments have made what George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg would call The Perfect Storm.

Now, let me refer to the top and reference “The Plan.” What will he say? What will she say? Thanks to my female friend for allowing this to go through, after all, I think we’re all curious.

Disclaimer: I will not be telling Man nor Woman we’re doing this and understanding this is completely wrong is part of the appeal, but it’s in the name of Science.

The Morning After…

Question: Well, How’d it go?

Man: Dude, it was awesome. I took her to the pizza place that serves the pizza with every beer during happy hour. I started off with a Blue Moon, and she was drinking too, so you know…

Woman: It was okay. He took me to that place ——- he kept talking about. It was actually kind of disgusting because they served these little pieces of pizza with every beer you ordered. It’s a good idea, but bad execution on the restaurants part.

Were you drinking a lot?

Man: I was trying. Uh, you know, I ah, was definitely trying to plant the seed and keep her drinking you know. It’s all about seed germination.

Woman: I had to, the pizza tasted like shit.

Were you into him/her?

Man: When?

Woman: Ugh, he was getting annoying. He’s hot but annoying.

What did you talk about?

Man: I don’t even remember half the shit I said. I did the small talk you know, I made jokes about dogs and self deprecating humor jokes, so she can think I’m cute… That kind of talk, then midway through I just let her talk for a bit… to feel important.

Woman: I have no idea what he was talking about. He went on a rant about “E.T.” for about 35 minutes, and why he was a dork. He may have been nervous? He was asking me about movies, he’s never seen “Never Ending Story” so he asked me to tell him about it. Like, literally… tell him the whole thing from beginning to end, it was Godawful.

And you guys kept drinking?

Man: Yes, she was DOWN.

Woman: Unfortunately, I passed the threshold and just kept going. I had to, I didn’t want to listen to him much longer and I wanted to vomit the disgusting dinner.

Did you guys go home together?

Woman: Uh, Yes.

Man: Dude, I told you I was going to bang her.

How was it?

Man: Like Peanut Butter and Jelly.


Man cont: It didn’t take long but yeah we were going at it.

Woman: His house is gross, it smells like a t-shirt… or feet… or something thick you know? Which is surprising because he doesn’t really smell. But, I went into his bathroom and found his grooming supplies. I knew he plucked his eyebrows. But, yeah we slept together.

Wow, How was it?

Man: Awesome.

Woman: I don’t remember, and it’s not because I was drunk.

Did she/you spend the night?

Man: No, I told her she could but she didn’t. We laid there for a bit but she eventually took off. Perfect.

Woman: God no, I made something up to get out. But first I had to wake him because he was trying to cuddle with me.

Are you going to call him/her again?

Man: I’ll text her, in a few days.

Woman: I’m not calling. I don’t care if he calls me. Maybe I’ll call him sometime down the road… you know, late night.

Okay so are you happy I set you up or what? Final thoughts?

Man: Dude she’s hot. I don’t know what more I can say. I definitely kind of like her, I think? I don’t know. I try to stay away from likes and dislikes when it comes to this kind of thing. I don’t want to give the wrong impression you know? Girls are like, clingy. I don’t need clingy.

Woman: We’ll he’s totally confused. He’s a typical guy. Of course, you have to give into it on some level. It’s like a stroke of their confidence, no pun intended. You know the alpha who thinks that they know more than anyone else? That’s him. I feel like he has a dating plan. Or he may be a jealous clinger kind of guy. Who knows? But yeah, thanks for setting me up.

And so it is, the always-evolving man and woman. But what doesn’t change is the primal need for company. I don’t know if women are as sensitive as we make them out to be. Actually, I’m sure they’re not. I think the “games” aspect of dating is completely necessary even though both sexes knows it’s happening. I’m not too sure if dating has come a long way simply because of lack of experience. I’m just happy to have a girlfriend right now because I don’t want a random chick looking through my bathroom.

Final Note: Thanks to YOU, who participated and didn’t know it.