London: One Week Later

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I was in London last week and during my trip I intended to film it and update this blog with regular (but brief) entries. Very quickly I knew that I wasn’t filming anything, and not so quickly I realized I wasn’t going to be doing any writing or entries. Why? Well, a few reasons:

1 –I didn’t film because I had friends in town and I didn’t trust myself carrying my camera everywhere. We’d leave the flat for long stretches and I didn’t know if I could confidently say, “I won’t lose my camera.”

2 – Drinking.

That pretty much sums it up.  Let me digress and give a one-week-later London reflection.

It doesn’t help the situation that I’m from the land of beer (Milwaukee) and I was staying with my friend who also was from Wisconsin, and who happened to be hitting a 3-day work hiatus. Also, I had two of my best friends (also from Wisconsin) come visit for two days. When the four of us got together it was as though we could all see into the looking glass and what we saw were pints and hangovers.

Do I wish I had better self control, yes, of course. But my self-control ties into a larger issue with being in London – people like to drink, a lot. There is a pub on nearly every corner. It was as though every stereotype that has ever been said about London was true. I guess stereotypes exist for a reason. Also, I can’t help it if drinking and fun occasionally go hand in hand. I can’t help it that I really like to talk to people and when you’re in a pub getting shitfaced (whoops, excuse me, getting “pissed”) people become more talkative. I can’t help these things. I can only experience them, and that’s what I did.

My drinking experiences directly tied into my lack of motivation to write or do anything. There was one night when I was laying in bed and whipped out my laptop, started to type and this is the actual entry:

Man, what the F d over am I

Yup. You may notice that doesn’t make much sense. There may be a child sitting in preschool somewhere who is going to write the same thing in about 30 minutes. The beauties of drinking. For every great night of conversation there is an incoherent phrase waiting to be muttered.

Moving on from the perpetual state of drunk – London is pretty awesome. I’d be lying if I said that I knew where I was half the time; I couldn’t get my bearings. I kept asking people which way north was and half the time people didn’t know. Of course the monuments and landmarks are beautiful, outside of the city is peaceful, the culture is interesting, the curry was great… The world is fucking awesome.

That’s my takeaway.

That’s always my takeaway when I go somewhere I don’t know. Even if I hate the places I go to, I love that I hate it. I love knowing there are other experiences in the world. There is no substituting experience in life, you either have them or you don’t.

This is it. This is my one-week-later London refection. Pretty in depth, right? I kind of wish there was more to this but I think I need to blame the drinking for lack of substantial memories. There’s just a lot of fragmented good times, and really, how do you express fragmented good times?  The best way is probably through video…

Shit.

The Hacked Nude Photo And a New Game.

Fantasy football may be a thing of the past. I think it’s time to start a new fantasy league called: Celebrity Cell Phone Leaks. Points would be dispersed by various categories:

Naked Video: 50 points
Naked Photo: 30 Points
Enticing Photo: 20 Points
Embarrassing Photo: 10 points
Unappealing Photo: 10 points
Pointless Photo: 10 points
Incriminating Text Message: 10 points
Regular Text Message: 5 points
Address Book: 5 points

Of course there would be a few variables that could be taken into scoring consideration, ie – how they handled it, are they married, how it leaked etc… Also, this wouldn’t be a league for just celebrities but we could toss politicians and athletes in the mix too… Basically any public figure, we don’t discriminate in this league.

If this league were an actual thing Scarlett Johansson would just have scored 30 points and she just joined the conversation with about 30 other people in the past year. In case you don’t keep up with the leaking’s of celebrity photos then you wouldn’t know that 2 days ago Johansson’s naked body hit the web. She took two pictures of … well you can see for yourself.

According to Johansson this was a hacking on her phone and she’s been in contact with the FBI for months. I believe her. In most cases I would resort to thinking that she slipped up and nobody hacked her. To be honest I actually feel very bad for her and any other person who gets hacked. Your personal business is your personal business.

There has to be a solve to this, right? The obvious solve is to not take the pictures, and I think that’s the knee jerk reaction from the public. But that’s not the solve, it can’t be. It’s no fun. DON’T LISTEN TO THE PUBLIC, PLEASE KEEP TAKING PICTURES.

A letter to the Hackers:

Dear Hackers,

Stop ruining it for everyone. Please let these people slip up on their own and allow them to send pictures of themselves to their ex’s after a long night of drinking. The ex will then accept the picture and not think anything of it for about a week, but ultimately the ex will then send it to a friend or post it on the Internet after another night of drinking.

If you keep on hacking cell phones then people will (God forbid) stop taking pictures. Not to mention, you potentially hurt my future Fantasy Celebrity Picture game. If you want to do us a favor, be cool and hack Starbucks online system and change the prices of coffee for a day… or something like that. Stop ruining things.

Always and Forever,

Josh

What’s to make of all these pictures floating around? I’m wondering if the cell phone naked picture is going to be the new porno. I feel like the celebrity porno kind of died out, and I’m willing to bet at this current moment in time if you were to ask someone with a high profile to make a porno they would immediately deny. But, if you take pictures of them via cell phone… that’s still doable, is this going to change?

God I hope not.

Can we please just take a step back and dive deeper into this: What I think is great about leaked pictures is that the pictures we see are the pictures that are SAVED on the phone. We all know there were about 10 pictures before the saved ones that were deleted, so what we’re looking at, assuming they took the picture solo, is how they feel best. These naked pictures are essentially how they’d want to look if they were in playboy. Any time you see a leaked naked photo you have to say to yourself: “They think they look really good.”

So what’s in store for Johansson, what are the repercussions of taking a photo? Well, it changes depending on who you are:

If you’re a Sports Athlete: Tons and Tons of shit from teammates and fans, not to mention crying fans under the age of 13 (Brett Favre, Greg Oden).

If you’re a Politician: Donezo. Send out a naked anything of yourself and you aught to hope that you have any resemblance of some sort of career as this basically strips you of all credibility. If you’re lucky you’ll be able to have a show on CNN. (Anthony Weiner).

If you’re a Celebrity: Basically nothing negative can come from it UNLESS you’re in a relationship and the picture isn’t intended for your significant other. The reality of the situation is that nudity actually can make you more popular. The poster child for this is Kim Kardashian. Prior to Keeping Up With The Kardashians the only screen time Kim had was on millions of men’s computer screens. If you’re a musician and nude photo’s come out then you’re earning street cred. So, in the Johansson case, she has nothing to worry about. Johansson can say hello to the laundry list of celebrities that have done this same exact thing.

The other reason SJ is going to be okay is because seeing a celebrity nude has become such common place that I’m not too sure how much anyone really cares about this. Technology has once again paved the way for things that were one time uncommon to completely common. In my expert naked picture prediction I think that this will all blow over before you can say What is Scarlett Johansson’s next movie?

And just for shits and giggles below is a list of Public Figures that have been caught with questionable cell phone pictures… not to mention they would all be great for either a starting position or on the bench for Fantasy Celebrity Cell Phone Leaks.

Side note: Maybe Vegas should start betting on who will have pictures next. (Do it Vegas).

Brett Favre
Anthony Weiner
Ron Artest (What!? Seriously)
Paris Hilton (No duh)
Kardashian (See Hilton)
Tito Ortiz
Chris Brown (“Look at my picture or I will beat your ass”)
Christina Aguilera (figures)
Vanessa Hudgens (When she’s floating from the limelight we’ll probably see another one… coming soon.)
Brittney Spears (Does her getting out of a car flashing no underwear count? No)
Scarlett Johannson
Miley Cyrus
Jessica Alba
Selena Gomes
Demi Lovato
Blake Lively
Rihanna (See Chris Brown)
Ka$ha
Ali Larter
Busy Phillips
Tm Cruise (Just Kidding… can you imagine… eh, shit, horrible mental image)

There are too many… that’s just 0.3% to name a few….

How did this happen?

What was said and What I was thinking.

5:00pm

Friends: “Hey do you want to go out tonight and grab some beers, my buddy is leaving town, we’d love to see you and you never come out.”

Me: “Yeah Sure”

Okay, I will go out for just a bit, a hour at the most. I won’t spend any money on alcohol. If someone wants to buy me a drink great, but I’m not looking to drink too much and especially not looking to spend any money. I am definitely going to be hope by 10, 10:30 at the latest.

Friends: Great be there around 8:30

9:00pm:

Hmm, I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes, where is everyone? This is ridiculous, I am leaving at 10pm I’m definitely not staying long.

9:18pm: FRIENDS ARRIVE

Friends: “Hey man! I’m grabbing a drink.

How did this happen?

What was said and What I was thinking.

5:00pm

Friends: “Hey do you want to go out tonight and grab some beers, my buddy is leaving town, we’d love to see you and you never come out.”

Me: “Yeah Sure”

Okay, I will go out for just a bit, a hour at the most. I won’t spend any money on alcohol. If someone wants to buy me a drink great, but I’m not looking to drink too much and especially not looking to spend any money. I am definitely going to be hope by 10, 10:30 at the latest.

Friends: Great be there around 8:30

9:00pm:

Hmm, I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes, where is everyone? This is ridiculous, I am leaving at 10pm I’m definitely not staying long.

9:18pm: FRIENDS ARRIVE

Friends: “Hey man! I’m grabbing a drink.”


I see them grabbing a drink, I’m going to go sit at the table and wait for them, I’m not getting anything. When they come back we hang out for a bit and then I leave.”

9:22pm

Friends: “Aren’t you going to have a beer?”

Me: “Ah, no.”

Friends: “Come on! Just one”

Okay, I am going to have just one beer, that’s it. I’ll get 20 from the ATM and take the 2.95 service fee, just this once, I mean it’s only right.

9:25: $22.95 later

I just got my beer, I am going to Milk this.

CONVERSATION…CONVERSATION…

10:00pm

Oh man, I’m out of beer, I’m not going to have another one.

10:01pm

Friends: “Hey you want another beer? I’ll get you one.”

Me: “Sure.”


Perfect, I’m not paying, this is perfect.

10:02pm

Friend: “Oh man, I’m a few bucks short.”

Me: “Oh, no problem.”

Dammit! I just gave him the same price for another beer, I essentially just bought myself another beer! I guess it’s okay, at least it’s cheap beer.

10:35pm

Friend: “Here I got you this!”

ANOTHER BEER!?

Me: “No, I’m fine.”

Friend: “Okay, then it will just sit here on the table.”

I can’t let a perfectly good beer go to waste. I’m drinking it.

11:12pm

Last beer, I’m having one more. I’m having a great time this is the last one. It’s okay to have one more, I didn’t think I’d be having this good of a time.

11:45pm

Okay, well I burned through all of my money from the ATM machine, I have just enough for one more, should I do it? Mine as well, I’ve come this far.

Home by 1am.

I feel like this situation has happened 1 too many times.

Hello Alcohol, I'm Josh

Alcohol is poison. I’m done with it. Those words have been thought or spoken by man for many years and something tells me they are not going away. It gets me thinking about why, why do we do it? Why do we pump ourselves with a liquid that is absorbed into our body and makes us feel bad? Why do casually accept hangovers and sometimes gloat about how bad we feel? It is like an excuse to eat greasy food and lay in bed for a day. Hey man do you want to drink this? Oh yeah… “You’re going to wake up with a headache that doesn’t allow you to move, then you may throw up, you will feel like garbage, you have basically lost a day, oh and you are going to say some things you will either regret or forget. “ If you are a girl you can throw in being bloated too, if you care about such things. So this brings me to the why… Why do we do such things? OH WAIT. DUH- Alcohol is a miracle fluid, it allows you to say what you really feel, talk to whomever you want, let loose, and for a few hours actually feel more important than you did earlier. How in gods name do we contain the happenings of alcohol to put it in anything I have. It’s such a funny thing this whole alcohol craze, and it is not even close to ever thinking about going away. We need this, we have been conditioned to love alcohol. It’s kind of scary if you think about it, how people have the liquid courage to do whatever but not the sober courage. And what does all this mean what is this rambling? It’s nothing it’s nonsense and it’s preaching to the choir, so what am I writing this? Why does it seem like not one of these sentences makes any sense? Why I have had a little red line pop up under some of the most common words because I initially misspelled it? Cause I’m hungover and never want to drink again. See you soon old friend.