5 Rules.

There are a few rules that I think should and can be implemented into society… at least in my perfect world. I should probably note that I don’t think this will ever happen, it’s just what I want.

Rule #1: There must be elevator entertainment. Human has never been so uncomfortable than when we’re standing in an elevator. I hate the long-standing awkward silence, and the elevator is a test of how you deal with these moments. Do you look down at the ground? Stare at the elevator’s numbers changing? Stare at the doors? I have long thought that every elevator has a camera and it’s just some big science experiment.

If we can somehow get something that everyone can do while in there, like a quick puzzle or trivia I think the world would be a happier place.

Rule #2: Root Beer at all meals. When you go out to eat and a server asks if you’d like water I think the question should be: “Would you like water and a Root Beer?” Or “Would you just like Root Beer?” I don’t think I can properly explain the underrated value of Root Beet. Sometimes I wonder if it’s so great because it’s not as main-stream as Pepsi or Coke.

Rule #3No walking slow in a parking garage. “YO! Slow fing walker, get out of my way because you’re in the middle of the driving area!” Not sure if it’s a LA thing or what, but people who take their sweet time and hold up traffic in a parking garage should be banned from parking. The only possible solve (without running someone over) is to implement a power walk rule in every and all garage. Move fast or get arrested… okay not arrested… but something.

Rule #4: When you say your age you say it in days and not years. Doesn’t it just sound cooler and as though you live longer to place a bigger number here? “How old are you?”

“I’m 25.”

Or –

“I’m 9,125.”

Sure, it will eventually sound common day and lose its appeal over time but at least you can feel like Yoda for just a moment. I want to feel that I’m so old I actually forget the days.

Rule #5: Notes on poorly parked cars. Imagine if you see that car that’s parked on an angle occupying 2 spots for no reason. Now imagine if you had a note that said “I messed with your car and you’ll never know what I did” even though you did nothing. I think that note alone would scare someone into submission and start a trend of properly parked cars. Even if you’re not parked like a complete idiot but are doing something that messes with the flow, you should still get a note on your car.

I even think that new cars should come with a set of notes just out of courtesy. I don’t think people realize what bad parkers do to the common man’s psyche. Or is it just me?

I’ll stop at 5 … it’s just a start, but it’s something.